Happy Father’s Day!

“He who brings trouble on his family will inherit only wind, and the fool will be servant to the wise.” –Proverbs 11:29

Food For Thought: Rudyard Kipling once wrote about families, “all of us are we—and everyone else is they.” A family shares things like dreams, hopes, possessions, memories, smiles, frowns, and gladness…A family is a clan held together with the glue of love and the cement of mutual respect. A family is shelter from the storm, a friendly port when the waves of life become too wild. No person is ever alone who is a member of a family. (Quoted from Fingertip Facts )

One of the greatest gifts God gives a man is a family. The truly wise man will continually recognize the incredible worth of those God has placed in his care, and lovingly guide, develop, protect and provide for them until his dying day.

What a tragedy when a man brings trouble on the very ones he has been assigned to keep safe. He is what Proverbs calls a fool. Not only is he tragically hurting those who depend on him for safety and security and health and happiness, he is actually destroying himself. The Message translates our opening verse this way:

“Exploit or abuse your family, and end up with a fistful of air; common sense tells you it’s a stupid way to live.”

That verse probably brings to mind the alcoholic or drug addicted man who ruins his family through physical violence, emotional mistreatment, or even sexual abuse…the kind of unfaithful, out of control, raging, shiftless father whose wife and children would probably be better off without him. But is that the kind of dad Proverbs says brings trouble on his family? I would suggest any man has the potential to exploit, abuse or bring trouble on their family in some not so immediately apparent ways. Here are some for instances:

MODELING: Some men ruin their families by not living a life that is worth following. They do not provide an example of integrity, diligence, discipline or godliness for their children.

Dr. L. E. Brown, Jr., in “Five Ways to Become a Powered-up Dad” suggests, “Fathers pass a great many things on to their children besides the shape of their noses or the color of their hair. God has built into fathers the power to build a heritage. This power can be positive or negative. We can pass on anger or alcoholism, or we can transmit a godly heritage.” He goes onto say that, among other things, a father can be a great example for his family in the following six ways:

1. By developing a fatherhood mission statement. Like a CEO without a strategic plan, a dad without a mission is unlikely to succeed. A fatherhood mission statement will help you set priorities that will direct your decisions and activities.
2. By getting involved. A mission statement isn’t enough. You need a plan of action. If you’ve purposed to put your family ahead of business, you’ll make opportunities to take the kids out for bike rides or out for ice cream, to really listen to them, and to observe their words and emotions.
3. By showing his children affection. A father’s regular expressions of affection release love into their children’s emotions and reassure them of his love.
4. By being a role model. Though all parents get frustrated with children’s behavior, we must realize that children mirror our conversation and actions. “Father power” is more effective when we change ourselves before we try to change our children.
5. By equipping his children spiritually. By establishing the disciplines of worship, prayer, and Bible study in your own life, you’ll be prepared to integrate these into teachable moments with your children.
6. By blessing his children daily. The power of a father’s blessing cannot be overestimated.

NEGELECTING: How does a father neglect his family? The most obvious way is by not spending an appropriate and consistent amount of time with them. Someone has said that a parent’s love is spelled T-I-M-E. Giving time to his children demonstrates a man’s priorities.

The lack of attentiveness to children’s needs by fathers has produced great changes in the American home. Fathers spend an average of only 38 seconds a day being totally attentive and 20 minutes being partially attentive to their children’s needs. Study after study connects these changes with the rising teenage suicide rate, which has tripled in the last 20 years, the increasing incidence of delinquent behavior, and the rise of viloent crime among young people.

James Dobson cited a university study showing that fathers of preschool children on the average spend 37.7 seconds per day in real contact with their youngsters. By contrast, the study indicated that children watch television approximately 54 hours per week. And we wonder who has the greater influence!

Several years ago one study revealed that “parents rate their inability to spend enough time with their children as the greatest threat to the family. A survey conducted for the Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Corp., 35 percent pointed to time constraints as the most important reason for the decline in family values. Another 22 percent mentioned a lack of parental discipline. While 63 percent listed family as their greatest source of pleasure, only 44 percent described the quality of family life in America as good or excellent. And only 34 percent expected it to improve. Despite their expressed desire for more family time, two-thirds of those surveyed say they would probably accept a job that required more time away from home if it offered higher income or greater prestige.

But not only are families neglected through a lack of time, there are some other, less obvious areas of neglect that can occur. Perhaps it could be through allowing unhealthy influences to penetrate the family. It could be that failing to set boundaries is an evidence of neglect. Or by not providing for the emotional, spiritual, intellectual and physical needs of the children. Or maybe neglect happens in not giving the children the physical affection…the loving touch of a dad that is a crucial element to their emotional and relational well-being.

IRRITATING: Some fathers bring disaster to their children by picking on them, nit-picking every little move they make, criticizing their efforts, and in general, exasperating them through over-discipline. In Ephesians 6:4, the Apostle Paul warns, “Fathers, don’t exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master.” (The Message)

EXPLODING: Finally, many a father destroys his family through uncontrolled anger. How sad when a father is known by his children for his explosive temper. Perhaps his communication with them is characterized by yelling, screaming, raging and otherwise creating an environment of fear. And not only does inappropriate anger bring trouble on a man’s family, it is ultimately self-destructive. When a father becomes inappropriately angry with his family, he has failed to protect them, violating one of the basic requirements in his job description. He has failed to protect them from himself. Inappropriate anger leads a father to hurt the ones he loves; it wins out over intelligent parenting; it fails to provide safety and security. When anger wins, love loses.

But when Dads do fathering well, they can make more of a difference in the life of their child than our culutre gives them credit for! Christian family therapist John Trent shared two letters given to him by a third grade teacher—the letters were part of an assignment her students completed. (The words are unedited for spelling, grammar, and punctuation:

Dear Dad, I love it when you take me on dates! I like it when you play baseball with me, miniature golf with me, and watch movies with me. I really aprisheate it! I like it when you tell jokes to me. I like it when you hug me and kiss me. Daddy, I love you!

The teacher said that just four seats away from the first letter writer sat another little girl. Here’s what her letter said:

Dear Daddy, I love you so much. When you are going to come see me agen? I miss you very much. I love it when you take me to the pool. When am I going to get to spend the night at your house? Have you ever seen my house before? I want to see what your house looks like. Do you? Whand am I going to get to see you agene? I love you, Daddy.

One letter is from a child whose father knows what it means to be there. The second is from a child whose father, for whatever reason, has chosen not to be there.

If you are a dad reading this blog on this Father’s Day, make a fresh commitment to being the kind of dad who knows what it means to be there!

“A positive and continuous relationship to one’s father has been found to be associated with a good self-concept, higher self- esteem, higher self-confidence in personal and social interaction, higher moral maturity, reduced rates of unwed teen pregnancy, greater internal control and higher career aspirations. Fathers who are affectionate, nurturing and actively involved in child-rearing are more likely to have well-adjusted children.” (George Rekers)

Prayer: Heavenly Father, you have shown us what it means to be a great father. You are loving and patient. You are kind and compassionate. You always protect and provide. You sacrifice and serve. You are faithful and true. Now I pray that you would enable me to model from my family your character. Help me to provide my family with a glimpse of you by the way I father. Lord, if there is one thing that I would ask you to bless and grant me success in, it is in being the kind of man you intend me to be…and the kind of man my family deserves. Help me to be a great father is my prayer on this Father’s Day. Amen.