Posted on

What Every Man Wants

Read Proverbs 31

Featured Verse: Proverbs 31:10

“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.”

Most red-blooded American men want a trophy wife.  And every man deserves one!  Oh, not the kind you may be conjuring up in your mind right now—the kind of hot babe Hollywood has invented—with the aid of cosmetic surgeons, make up artists and photoshop, of course.

The one I’m referring to is the kind of woman Proverbs 31 talks about.  She’s a trophy gal not because she’s hot.  Guys, that’s a longer lasting and infinitely more rewarding kind of woman than the carefully coiffed and cosmetically crafted woman our sensual and selfish culture promotes.  That woman’s looks have a shelf life of only so long, you know—and while you’re enjoying her looks, if she doesn’t have a godly character to sustain her, those looks probably won’t be that pretty after all!

If you’ve got a woman of noble character, like me, you are a blessed man indeed. I’m doubly blessed with a woman of both beauty and grace. If you’re looking for a for a trophy wife, take my advice: Set you’re sites on noble character above all else. As Proverbs 31:30 says,

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

Now listen fella, if the wife you have, in your opinion, is not a Proverbs 31 woman, here’s what I would suggest:  Begin to treat her as if she were, and watch what God will do.

And, perhaps most importantly, make sure your soon-to-be trophy wife has a sugar daddy husband in you.  Not the kind you’re thinking, but the kind the Bible calls you to be: a man of pure and noble character himself.  What kind of husband is that?

  • He offers her a character that is morally pure: “your name [which represents character] is like perfume poured out [refined from all impurity].” (Song of Songs 1:3)
  • He desires to know her, talk to her, listen to her: “Husband, dwell with your wife with understanding way.” (I Peter 3:7a NKJV)
  • He refuses to control and pressure her into what he wants her to be: “Honor her, delight in her.” (I Peter 3:7b, Message)
  • He serves and sacrifices for her: “Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting.” (Ephesians 5:23, Message)
  • He loves her just as Christ loved his bride, the church: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.” (Ephesians 5:23, NIV)

As a husband, if you’ll work on growing in those areas, your wife’s noble character will grow in response to the growth she sees in you. Even if she doesn’t, you are still accountable to be that kind of man anyway.

And if you are not yet married, work on being that kind of man, and dude, you won’t be able to keep the ladies away!

“Grow old with me!  The best is yet to be.”  ~Robert Browning

Winning At Life:

If you are a wife, develop a set of growth points from Proverbs 31.  If you are a husband, develop your set from Ephesians 5:25-33.

Posted on

A Daily Confession of Utter Dependence

Read Proverbs 30

Featured Verse: Proverbs 30:8-9, KJV

“Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘Who is the LORD?’ Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God.”

Who doesn’t want to be independently wealthy?  Anything that provides independence, especially here in America, is highly prized. That’s why our most treasured national document is the Declaration of Independence.

Yet there is something greater than our independence, and that is our utter dependence on God.  When we live in the daily awareness of our utter need for God, we are dependently wealthy—and there’s nothing better.  That’s what this proverb is saying—a vital Christian life-principle that was repackaged by Jesus in Matthew 6:11 in the profoundest of ways when he taught us in the Lord’s Prayer to pray,

“Give us today our daily bread.”

Did you notice two times in just six words Jesus refers to “daily”? Apparently that was pretty significant to Jesus.  Why daily?

It’s the only time in the New Testament that this particular Greek word was used.  In fact, this word baffled scholars for years because they couldn’t find a record of it in ancient Greek literature—sacred or secular. But between 1947-56 the Dead Sea Scrolls were discovered, and this word, “daily” was found in both business and religious documents.  It referred to a daily shopping list of perishable items good only for that day.

That brings up an important point to what Jesus is saying:  That even though God is our provider, his promise to provide is provisional.  Meaning, this prayer is not a blank check.  Jesus deliberately chose this word “daily” not because God likes to hear us beg, but to teach us the importance of expressing a day-by-day dependence on God.

Now that’s hard to relate to since for most of us, we’ve not only got today’s food, we’ve got tomorrow’s food and next week’s food in our freezer.  And when we run out, we’ve got Costco! Costco isn’t like a grocery store; it’s the size of an international airport.  Employees there don’t use box cutters; they drive forklifts.  Your shopping cart is the size of a Volkswagen.  You don’t get individual items, you pick up pallets of food.  When you check out, it’s akin to making a car payment.  Then you haul it home and you’ve got to figure out where to put all that stuff.

In twenty-first century America, daily bread isn’t much of a felt need.  Even still, that daily bread comes from God and it can be taken away in a heartbeat, so we should never take God’s provision for granted.  And while daily bread may not be our immediate need, we probably have other more pressing needs today: Perhaps a difficult marriage, or sour finances or a crummy job, or an impure addiction or a life-and-death battle with cancer.  With each of theses needs, the question is, will I trust God today? Will I lean into him to meet my need today?  Our need for God’s provision today is still just as great as the need for daily bread in first century Palestine.

Remember in the Old Testament when God provided manna for the Israelites to eat—but only a day at a time.  They could only collect enough manna for that day—they couldn’t store it for tomorrow.  Why did God do it that way?  So that every twenty-four hours they would have to trust God to meet their need.  That is where the verse came from, “Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.”  (Deut. 8:33)

What does that mean?  God has made it so that we must come back to him daily, because he is the source of all we need.  That’s why this proverb, as well as Jesus, himself, taught us to ask God for daily bread: To keep us ever mindful that our Father, alone, is the source of our life.

What is your manna?  What drives you every twenty-four hours to say, “God, you are my source, and I’m going to trust you for this.  Today, I declare my dependence on you”?  When you learn to lean into that truth every day, you have become dependently wealthy—and there’s no better way to live!

“He who has God and everything else has no more than he who has God only.” ~C.S. Lewis

Winning At Life:

First, look up and memorize Philippians 4:19. Second, take five minutes to write out your own Declaration of Daily Dependence.

 

Posted on

Get The Picture

Read Proverbs 29

Featured Verse: Proverbs 29:18, KJV

“Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.”

What is your vision? By that I mean, do you know to what great work God has called you, how he has shaped you with gifts, energies and resources to invest in ways that make a difference, where he has called you to give yourself to a cause that matters both now and for all eternity? What is your vision?

The answer to the vision question is one of the most important issues that we must resolve for a satisfying and successful experience of life. If you never figure that out, you are going to simply be a wandering generality rather than a meaningful specific in your earthly pilgrimage. Without vision, you will waste an infinite amount of precious potential that God invested in you when he gave you life—a waste of resources that will not be satisfying to either God or to you. I like how the Message translates this verse:

“If people can’t see what God is doing, they stumble all over themselves; But when they attend to what he reveals, they are most blessed.”

Why is a God-ordained vision so important for your life? For the simple reason that you will never possess what you cannot picture. That is why envisioning is really an activity of faith. That precisely why the writer of Hebrews says what he does about the function and purpose of faith in Hebrews 11:1.

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for.”

In other words, “the ancients” had a picture of what they believed God had for them—and then they passionately pursued it. Romans 4:17 tells us about one of those “ancients,” Abraham, whom God honored because he, “…believed in the God who brings into existence what didn’t exist before.” Abraham got a God-inspired vision for his life!

What Hebrews and Romans reveal is that the visible reality of victory in your life always begins in the invisible realm of faith within your spirit—your vision. That’s why God said to Joshua, “I will give you every place where you set your foot…Everywhere you go I’m going to make you prosperous and successful.” (Joshua 1:3,8) Then in verse 4, God gave Joshua a preview of what he was promising: “I will give you everything from the desert in Lebanon to the great river, the Euphrates…from the Hittite country to the Great Sea…” That’s from the Mediterranean clear over to Iran; from Egypt up to Lebanon.

Did Joshua need all that land? Of course not! But there’s a very important truth at work here telling us something about the nature of God: He always gives in abundance! God wanted Joshua to be inspired by a vision of abundance and victory. Likewise, what God wants for your life is bigger than what you are experiencing now, because God is a God of abundance. That’s why he sent his Son: to give you life more abundantly; life to the full— maximum life! (John 10:10)

One of the greatest steps of faith you can take is to envision that life of abundance. Faith is the substance of things hoped for. You’ve got to see it by faith before you can begin taking the steps to get there because victory is never accomplished without vision!

So again, dear friend, what is your vision? If you don’t have one, ask! God is in the revelation business, I hear.

 “The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.” ~Helen Keller

Winning At Life:

Memorize John 10:10, and ask the Lord to reveal to you in specific terms what that means for your life beyond salvation.

“The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy.
My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.”
(New Living Translation)

Posted on

Why God Doesn’t Answer Prayer

Read Proverbs 28

Featured Verse: Proverbs 28:9, MESSAGE

“God has no use for the prayers of the people who won’t listen to him.”

I am partly disturbed, partly humored by the growing number of people in our culture who don’t seem to think God has any moral standards to which he holds human beings accountable.  And there are even more than a few Christians who now think that way, too!

We seem to want a God created in our image—a God of grace but not justice; a God of love but not righteousness; a God who takes everyone to heaven but sends no one to hell; a God who gives us everything we want but never expects anything of us.  That sounds more like a kindly old grandfather in the sky than the God who has revealed himself through the Bible. In reality, a God who makes no moral demands and holds no one to account is a capricious and unloving being—and that is not the kind of God I want to serve.

Yes, God is loving, gracious, kind, forgiving, patient, generous and infinitely fair, but he also expects us to hold up our end of the bargain.  Now to be sure, our end of the bargain is miniscule compared to the infinite weight of grace on his end, but still, he has some expectations of us: Not a track record of perfection, mind you, but the offering of a lovingly obedient heart. Card carrying members of the family of God have but one requirement, which Jesus summed up in John 14:15,

“If you love me, you will obey what I command.”

Of course, we will never perfectly live up to our end of the deal, but with his ever-present help, he expects us to give it our best shot. And when we fail, he has provided forgiveness through his Son, Jesus (you may want to review I John 1:9 on that one).  Again, it is not about perfection, but obedience; it is not about earning, but effort.

So if we think and act like this is a one-sided deal, we have another thing coming.  And one of the things we’ll find is that, contrary to all the Christian clichés, God will not answer our prayers.  If we’re not going to listen to him, why should he listen to us?  Actually, there are a fair amount of verses in the Bible that specifically point this out:

  •  If we aren’t forgiving of others, God won’t receive our prayers. (Matthew 5:24, 6:14)
  • If we aren’t loving with our spouse, God won’t entertain our prayers. (I Peter 3:7)
  • If we aren’t compassionate toward the poor, God won’t hear our prayers. (Proverbs 21:13)
  • If we aren’t faithful in our giving, God won’t answer our prayers. (Malachi 3:8-9)

And the list goes on and on as to how God responds to those who don’t respond to his word—and it’s pretty scary.  On the other hand, there are many wonderful promises for those who give effort to hold up their end of the bargain, and believe me, when we do, the weight of Divine grace shifts to our side in ways that our eternal gratitude will never be able to repay.

“The eyes of the Lord search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.”  ~II Chronicles 16:9

Winning At Life:

Although we are saved by God’s grace and not by our righteous works, and therefore cannot earn salvation, we can, and must give effort to work out our salvation (read Philippians 2:12-13).  Write down an area in your life where you need to give greater effort in order to be more lovingly obedient to Christ’s commands—then ask him for help.  He will hear you!

Posted on

Industrial Strength Friends

Read Proverbs 27

Featured Verse: Proverbs 27:5-6

“Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”

I’m amazed when I read the Bible—especially the book of Proverbs—how relevant and practical it really is.  People who criticize it as being boring to read, difficult to understand and out of touch with their lives probably haven’t given it much of a chance.  Seriously, the Bible is the best and only true roadmap/self-help book/fire insurance manual out there worth it’s salt, if you know what I mean.

Proverbs 27 is an excellent case in point. For instance, how much clearer, more relevant and to the point can it get when it says you and I need friends in our lives who will not only love us unconditionally and protect us at all cost, but will also call out the best in us, even when it hurts.  From my vantage point as a spiritual leader, I see way too many people who’ve treated that command to invest in these kinds of industrial strength friendships as optional—both having those kinds of friends and being that kind of a friend to others—and have done so to their own detriment.

Part of my role is to shepherd people out of the junk in their lives, and I’ve wondered on a few occasions if some people just never had someone like the Proverbs 27:5-6 friend speaking truth into their life, someone who was willing to say, “hey, pal, you’ve got spinach stuck in your teeth!” or “hey sis, you gotta cut the crap!”  Some of the chronic dysfunction and destructive patterns we fall into may very well have been prevented at their source if we would have allowed  someone to lovingly rebuke us and inflict a friendly wound along the way.

There’s an interesting verse, Psalm 141:5, that says, “Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness; let him rebuke me — it is oil to my head.  My head will not refuse it.”  The Hebrew word for kindness is “hesed”, which means loving acts of authentic friendship.  We need to have people who have the freedom to be totally, lovingly truthful with us. And, by the way, we need to be that kind of friend as much as we need them.

The temptation we all face is to surround ourselves with people who make us feel good but don’t help us to become righteous. However, we will never grow past our character flaws and personality weaknesses if we don’t have people speaking truth into our lives.  Proverbs 15:31 says, “He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise.”  There’s an old Jewish proverb that says, “A friend is one who warns you.”  Got anyone who will warn you?

Most people don’t, unfortunately.  The American Sociological Review cited evidence that Americans have a third fewer close friends than just a couple of decades ago. People who have nobody to count as a close personal friend have more than doubled.  Having no one outside of one’s own family as a trusted confidant has risen from 50 to nearly 90 percent. Even within families, the degree of intimacy, trust and honesty needed for emotional health has steadily diminished.

You don’t just need a lot of friendly people in your life, although having friendly people around is a good thing.  What you most need are godly people who’ll come alongside you to call out God’s best in you.  Proverbs 27:17 says of these kinds of friendships, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”

You and I need friends like that —friends who are unconditionally loving yet absolutely committed to growth in our character through loving honesty.  I like how the Good News Bible translates Proverbs 27:5-6, “Better to correct someone openly than to let him think you don’t care for him at all.  Friends mean well, even when they hurt you. But when an enemy puts his arm around your shoulder—watch out!”

That’s not a declaration of open season for brutal honesty, but it does speak of the vital connection between the health of our whole being and the difficult conversations needed to get us there—and God’s gift of true friendships that makes it possible.

“Friends are God’s way of taking care of us.”

Winning At Life:

Proverbs calls us into accountable relationships—to develop friends and partners who will call out God’s best in us and hold our feet to the fire in terms of our personal and spiritual growth.  For sure, you need to get friends like that, but let me also challenge you to be a friend like that.  Think about what it will take to become that kind of friend (which doesn’t happen overnight—it takes a track record of love, faithfulness and encouragement) and who it is that really needs you to be that kind of friend (believe me, God has at least one candidate for your friendship).

 

 

Posted on

Loafers, Lazybones and Losers!

Read Proverbs 26

Featured Verse: Proverbs 26:13-15 (MSG)

Loafers say, “It’s dangerous out there! Tigers are prowling the streets!” and then pull the covers back over their heads. Just as a door turns on its hinges, so a lazybones turns back over in bed. A shiftless sluggard puts his fork in the pie, but is too lazy to lift it to his mouth.

Motivation!  It is one of the major themes in Proverbs—praising those who have it and admonishing those who do not.  Proverbs does not offer an intricate explanation for why people are not motivated, or a detailed plan for how they can get motivated, it just says they need to build a fire in their life and get with it or lose out in life.

Speaking of motivation, I love the story of the guy who worked the swing shift in a factory, and every night when he walked to and from work, he would go a great distance out of the way just to avoid a cemetery that was smack dab in the middle of his route.  One night he worked up the courage to walk through the graveyard, and it wasn’t so bad after all!  So he started walking right through the cemetery every day, to and from work.

However, on one of his walks home, a fresh grave had been dug right in the path he now walked by habit, and he fell into a deep, dark, damp open grave.  For some time, he called out for help and scratched and clawed trying to climb out, but it became apparent to him that he was going to get neither help nor out of his tomb.  So he sunk down into the bottom of this pit, pulled his coat up around his ears and prepared for a long night until the grave diggers came the next morning and could help him out.  After some time had passed, another man came down the same path, and he too, fell into the open grave.  The first guy just sat there with a smile on his face watching this second guy, who was so preoccupied with getting out that he didn’t notice the first guy.

After a while, the second guy grew tired and he, too, gave up his clawing and scratching and yelling and sank down into the bottom of the grave.  At that point, the first guy said, “You’ll never get out of here, boy!” Guess what?  The second guy did!  Hearing that eerie, disembodied voice from the other end of the grave was all the motivation he needed—and he was out in about two ticks.

Proverbs reminds us that motivation is a holy thing; a state of being highly valued and honored by the Lord. Proverbs 13:4 says, “The sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied.” Proverbs 14:23 tells us, “All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.” And Proverbs 15:19 says, “The way of the sluggard is blocked with thorns, but the path of the upright is a highway.”

All of that to simply say, if you are a motivated person, and your motivation is directed in a God-honoring way, the Word of God promises honor to you.  If you are not, you will get no psychological explanation or motivational pep talk from the Bible—only a swift kick to the seat of the pants and a warning: Get with it or get left in the dust of those in life who are motivated.

“Few things are impossible to diligence and skill. Great works are performed not by strength, but by perseverance.”  ~Samuel Johnson

Winning At Life:

What is one area of your life in which you would like to turn up the motivation?

Posted on

Don’t You Ever Forget It!

Read Proverbs 25

Featured Verse: Proverbs 25:21-22

“If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you.”

Our normal response to this verse is to think of it in terms of how God expects us to treat those toward whom we feel a fair amount of hostility, or those who feel that hostility toward us.  Yet I think it would be a great exercise today to just back up for a moment and first consider this verse in terms of the hostility that once existed between you and God.  Romans 5:10 reminds us that we were once the enemies of God. Ephesians 2:1-3 says we were deserving of wrath and without hope.  Colossians 1:21 and 2:13 tells us that we were alienated from him and dead in our sins.

In other words, we were really in a bad way, and we couldn’t do a thing about it!  But God, who is rich in mercy and overflowing with grace, reached out in love toward you and me and showered us with his undeserved kindness. He took the initiative to break down those walls of hostility that kept us separate from him, he freely forgave our sins, he graciously gave us new life, he brought us near when we were hopelessly far away and even though we were once hostile enemies, he turned us into his very best and dearest friends.  So when you think about it, this command that we should do the same for our enemies only makes sense in light of what God has done for the undeserving sinners that we once were—and I suppose, in a very real sense, still are.

Before you think about any hostility that might exist between you and another person, just dwell for a few moments on your former condition—and rejoice!  Bask in the rich grace and undeserved mercy of the Lord—and let your gratitude pour out!  Think about it: You didn’t get what you deserved—God’s judgment. That’s mercy!  And you got what you didn’t deserve—God’s favor.  That’s grace—and we should never forget that!

Now, how can you offer anything less to those around us—especially to those who don’t deserve it?

“God forgives my debts as I forgive my debtors.  The reverse is also true: Only by living in the stream of God’s grace will I find strength to respond with grace toward others.” ~Phillip Yancey

Winning At Life:

Commit an act of grace upon someone who doesn’t deserve it today.  It might be tough, but let the undeserved kindness that God has showered upon you be your motivation. And keep in mind that he promises a reward to those who will act upon his command.  That may soothe your pain a bit as you love your enemy.