Category Archives: Proverbs

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Hung By The Tongue

A Gossip Injures the Unity Jesus Died to Preserve

God hates the gossiper. No, really! Just read Proverbs 26:20. That’s how he feels about those who traffic in rumor, half-truths and conversations that are meant to tear down and break up. No wonder being the object of gossip hurts just about as bad as anything—if God himself hates malicious gossip and chronic gossipers, it’s got to be an activity which is birthed in the pit of hell.

Enduring Truth // Focus: Proverbs 26:20

Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.

Have you ever been the object of malicious gossip? Stinks, doesn’t it? When you are in a position of visibility like I am, the gossip factor seems to go way up. My favorite tidbit of gossip was in a previous ministry where a lady who didn’t like me (imagine that) much pulled one of my church members aside and whispered in her ear,

“Hey, I heard the pastor traded his BMW in for a Lamborghini!”

Sheesh! I wish. I would have just been happy to have the BMW instead of the Toyota my family said looked like an old man’s car.

Gossip stinks. It hurts. It is meant to divide, demean, and destroy a person’s character in the eyes of others while in some sick way building up the esteem of the purveyor of the gossip. The only game the gossiper knows how to play is a zero-sum game: They can win only if the object of their gossip loses.

Gossip destroys reputations, it ruins friendships, it wrecks homes, it hurts businesses and it even messes up what Jesus loves so dearly—the church. And something else about gossip we need to realize: God hates gossip…and God hates gossipers!

Ouch! You think I am being too hard-nosed about that? Okay, decide for yourself:

There are six things the LORD hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers. (Proverbs 6:16-19)

Yeah, that’s what God thinks about those who traffic in gossip, half-truths and conversations that are meant to tear down and break up. No wonder being the object of gossip hurts just about as bad as anything—if God himself hates malicious gossip and chronic gossipers, it’s got to be an activity which is birthed in the pit of hell.

Now here’s the thing: If you’ve had that horrible experience of being gossiped about, you’ve probably been the source of some gossip yourself, or if not the source, the conduit. But without a source, and without a pipeline, gossip dies—which is the only fitting outcome for gossip.

He that gossips and he that listens should both be hung
One by the ear and the other by the tongue!

So the next time you’re tempted to pass on a juicy tidbit about someone else, or listen to someone who can’t wait to tell you something about someone else who isn’t there, just remember what God feels about gossip—and don’t!

Thrive: Go on a “gossip fast” this week (okay, a permanent gossip fast is preferable, but let’s just start eating this elephant one bite at a time). Refuse to either say anything or listen to anything that wouldn’t be said if the object of the conversation were standing right there. And if you are in a relationship with a chronic gossiper, the next time they start to do their thing, stop them and ask, “would you mind if I brought [the subject matter] here so they can hear this?” or “do you mind if I quote you on that?” Believe me, do that a few times and you’ll put a stop to the gossiper.

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Holy Fear

Those Who Fear God Have Nothing To Fear!

Too many people today are trying to live a God-confident life without a God-fearing life. It can’t be done! Living without deep reverence for God and healthy respect for his laws, including awareness of the consequences of breaking them—will only produce the other kind of fear: fear that our past will catch up to us, high anxiety because of what we’re going through today, and terror of what might happen tomorrow.

Enduring Truth // Focus: Proverbs 9:10-11

Fear of the Lord is the foundation of wisdom. Knowledge of the Holy One results in good judgment. Wisdom will multiply your days and add years to your life

“Be afraid! Be very afraid!”

That’s probably the most famous line from the 1986 movie The Fly. In the movie, as Jeff Goldblum, who plays a brilliant but quirky scientist, is turning into an insect — how cute! — he exhorts the lovely reporter, played by Geena Davis, not to be worried by his metamorphosis: “Don’t be afraid.”

That’s why Geena tells Jeff to bug off—if you know what I mean.

Fear! The word doesn’t conjure up very positive images does it? These days in our cultural context, parents don’t usually teach their kids to live in fear of anything and teachers don’t instruct their students to be afraid. So why should preachers stand in pulpits and preach the “fear of the Lord” to their congregations? That seems a bit incongruent with our image of a loving and gracious God.

The problem is that we misunderstand what the Bible means when it talks about the fear of the Lord. A better way to think of it is the old term used a generation or two ago: God fearing. That simply meant to have a deep reverence of God and a healthy respect for his laws. It did not mean to cower in terror because a capricious and vengeful Deity was fixing to squash you like a bug if you displeased him in the least. Rather, while acknowledging that disobeying God’s law would bring painful consequences—just try ignoring his universal law of gravity and see how that works for you—it recognized that obeying that very same law would bring life-giving benefits.

To live with a healthy and holy fear of God provided that foundation for a prosperous journey through this life as well as preparation for entering into the joy of the eternal kingdom in the life to come. The fear of the Lord was what enabled people to navigate daily challenges with good judgment and grace. And the icing on the cake for a fear-of-the-Lord approach to living was the promise that God would add years to our life—and better yet, life to our years.

Too many people today are trying to live a God-confident life without a God-fearing life. It can’t be done! Living without deep reverence for God and healthy respect for his laws, including awareness of the consequences of breaking them—will only produce the other kind of fear: fear that our past will catch up to us, high anxiety because of what we’re going through today, and terror of what might happen tomorrow.

If you don’t learn to have a healthy and holy fear of the Lord, my advice to you is, “Be afraid. Be very afraid.” But if you can wrap yourself around what it means to be God-fearing, this gracious God himself will not only add years to your life, he’ll give life to your years.

Those who fear the Lord have nothing to fear!

Thrive: What kind of fear is your fear of the Lord? A healthy and holy fear, or one that is unhealthy and unholy? Spend some time today thinking about what it means to be a God-fearing person—and what changes you may need to make to be one.

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A You’ve-Got-Spinach-Stuck-In-Your-Teeth Kind Of Friend

Do You Have Someone Who Will Tell You?

The temptation we all face is to surround ourselves with people who make us feel good but don’t help us to become righteous. We’ll never grow past character flaws and personality weaknesses if we don’t have people speaking truth into our lives. Proverbs 15:31 says, “He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise.” There’s an old Jewish proverb that says, “A friend is one who warns you.” Got anyone who will warn you?

Enduring Truth // Focus: Proverbs 27:5-6

Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.

Wanted: A “You’ve-Got-Spinach-Stuck-In-Your-Teeth” Kind Of Friend!

I’m amazed when I read the Bible—especially the book of Proverbs—how relevant and practical it really is. People who criticize it as being boring to read, difficult to understand and out of touch probably haven’t given it much of a chance. Seriously, the Bible is the best and only true roadmap/self-help book/fire insurance manual out there worth its salt, if you know what I mean.

Proverbs 27 is an excellent case in point. For instance, how much clearer, more relevant and to the point can it get than when it says you and I need friends in our lives who will not only love us unconditionally and protect us at all cost, but will also call out the best in us, even when it hurts? From my vantage point as a spiritual leader, I see way too many people who’ve treated that command to invest in these kinds of industrial strength friendships as optional—both having those kinds of friends and being that kind of a friend to others—and have done so to their own detriment.

Part of my role is to shepherd people through the junk in their lives, and I’ve wondered on a few occasions if some people just never had someone like the Proverbs 27:5-6 friend speaking truth into their life, someone who was willing to say, “hey, pal, you’ve got spinach stuck in your teeth!” or “hey sis, you gotta cut the crap!” Some of the chronic dysfunction and destructive patterns we fall into may very well have been prevented at their source if we would have allowed someone to lovingly rebuke us and inflict a friendly wound along the way.

There’s an interesting verse, Psalm 141:5, that says, “Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness; let him rebuke me — it is oil to my head. My head will not refuse it.” The Hebrew word for kindness is “hesed,” which means loving acts of authentic friendship. We need to have people who have the freedom to be totally, lovingly truthful with us. And, by the way, we need to be that kind of friend as much as we need them.

The temptation we all face is to surround ourselves with people who make us feel good but don’t help us to become righteous. We’ll never grow past character flaws and personality weaknesses if we don’t have people speaking truth into our lives. Proverbs 15:31 says, “He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise.” There’s an old Jewish proverb that says, “A friend is one who warns you.” Got anyone who will warn you?

Most people don’t, unfortunately. The American Sociological Review cited evidence that Americans have a third fewer close friends than just a couple of decades ago. People who have nobody to count as a close personal friend have more than doubled. Having no one outside of one’s own family as a trusted confidant has risen from 50 to nearly 90 percent. Even within families, the degree of intimacy, trust and honesty needed for emotional health has steadily diminished.

You don’t just need a lot of friendly people in your life, although having friendly people around is a good thing. What you most need are godly people who’ll come alongside you to call out God’s best in you. Proverbs 27:17 says of these kinds of friendships, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”

You and I need friends like that —friends who are unconditionally loving yet absolutely committed to growth in our character through loving honesty. I like how the Good News Bible translates Proverbs 27:5-6, “Better to correct someone openly than to let him think you don’t care for him at all. Friends mean well, even when they hurt you. But when an enemy puts his arm around your shoulder—watch out!”

That’s not a declaration of open season for brutal honesty, but it does speak of the vital connection between the health of our whole being and the difficult conversations needed to get us there—and God’s gift of true friendships that makes it possible.

Thrive: Much of Proverbs up to this point has called us to accountable relationships—to develop friends and partners who will call out God’s best in us and hold our feet to the fire in terms of our personal and spiritual growth. Instead of challenging you yet again to get friends like that, let me challenge you to be a friend like that. Think about what it will take to become that kind of friend (which doesn’t happen overnight—it takes a track record of love, faithfulness and encouragement) and what it is that really needs you to be that kind of friend (believe me, God has at least one candidate for your friendship).

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Dude, Control Yourself

The Wisdom of Practicing Self-Control, Early and Often

When the Bible calls us to exercise self-control, it means to master our moods, desires and behaviors. What it doesn’t mean is simply to delay gratification – to wait two minutes in the fast food drive-thru instead of one, or to give up Coke for Lent and drink Pepsi instead. The root word from which self-control was derived meant to “take hold of something.” Literally, in the particular area of life we struggle, the Bible says, “Get a grip, dude!” Ultimately, the most important power we can wield is that which we exercise over ourselves.

Enduring Truth // Focus: Proverbs 25:28

Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control.

What does the Bible mean by self-control? Primarily it means to master your moods, impulses and behavior. What it doesn’t mean is simply to delay gratification. In our culture, delayed gratification means waiting two minutes in the fast food drive-thru instead of one, or to give up Coke for Lent—and drink Pepsi instead.

Self-control may mean giving something up completely. Self-control is the ability to direct my physical desires to fulfill God’s purposes, instead of using them for my own personal gratification. Self-control means taking care of my body in a God-honoring way. Self-control means biting my tongue instead of making that sarcastic remark. Self-control means saying “no” to something I want but isn’t good for me. Self-control says to a watching world that God’s long-range purposes for my life are more important than what looks and feels good right now. Self-control means to take dominion over my fleshly desires.

The root word from which self-control was derived meant to “take hold of something” or literally, to “get a grip.” In whatever particular area of life we struggle, these Biblical writers would say, “Get a grip on this thing!” And they are very specific about the areas where we are to get a grip and practice self-control. Foundationally, they would say get a grip in every area of your life. But there are some specific areas which the book of Proverbs, in particular, exhorts us to exercise self-control:

In Proverbs 29:11 we’re told to get a grip on our temper and on our moods: “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.”

Proverbs 6:25-26 tells us that we’d better control our sexual desire: “Do not lust in your heart after the beauty of an adulterous woman, or let her captivate you with her eyes, for she will reduce you to a loaf of bread…” In other words, if you lack control in the area of sexual purity, you’re toast man! You give over control to impure thoughts, pornography, or an inappropriate relationship, it will lead you right down the path to destruction.

Proverbs 21:20 teaches us to get a grip on our consumption and spending: “In the house of the wise are stores of choice food and oil, but a foolish man devours all he has.”

Proverbs 23:29-35 talks about getting a grip on our drinking habits: “In the end, it’s going to bite you like a viper.”

Proverbs 23:4 warns us to get a grip even on our ambition: “Do not wear yourself out to get rich; have the wisdom to show restraint.”

Proverbs 23:1-3 also speaks of getting a grip on our physical lives: “When you go out to dinner with an influential person, mind your manners: Don’t gobble your food, don’t talk with your mouth full. And don’t stuff yourself; bridle your appetite.” (Message)

Proverbs 10:19 says, “Don’t talk too much, for it fosters sin. Be sensible and turn off the flow!” (New Living Translation) Getting a grip on our mouth is one of the most discussed and most difficult areas where Proverbs calls for self-control. In fact, in the 31 chapters of Proverbs there are over 150 references to how we use, or misuse, our words

You know, it’s too bad, in light of the last point, that God didn’t create the human body to include a mouth zipper. That would have made things a lot easier for some of us! But since he didn’t, self-control is still the best and only option for managing our mouth, and managing our life.

So where do you begin? Let me suggest 3 starting points for cultivating self-control:

Step one, start with you! One of the most profitable discoveries we can make in life is to realize that we can only work on changing us! This is the very first step to taking responsibility for your lack of self-control. John Maxwell said it this way: “The first victory that successful people ever achieve or win, is the victory over themselves.”

Step two, start small! The old adage is true, “you can eat an elephant…one bite at a time!” Don’t get overwhelmed with how far you may have to go. God is ready right now to give you just the right amount of grace and strength to gain mastery of these areas. He doesn’t give you a reservoir of grace and strength for a month or a year from now. But like the manna in the desert, he gives you the right amount for today. And tomorrow, he’ll give you the right amount for that day. So just do what you can with what you’ve got!

Step three, start now! Today is God’s gift to you—that’s why it’s called the present—so get after it!

Thrive: Simply identify one area where you want to begin exercising self-control. Now, write out the first step you will need to take to achieve mastery in this area. And if you are willing, share your plan with someone.

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A Compelling ROI

Invest With An Eye On Eternity

Think of what would happen if you and I would sink as much blood, sweat and tears into the pursuit of Biblical wisdom as we do money, possession and fame! We would attain the kind of enduring wealth that earns the applause of heaven. By far, that is a great ROI!

Enduring Truth // Focus: Proverbs 8:19

My benefits are worth more than a big salary, even a very big salary; the returns on me exceed any imaginable bonus.

A friend of mine used to quip, “They say that money isn’t everything—but I’d sure like to prove them wrong!” Of course, most of us who live with an eternal perspective would agree with that money-isn’t-everything bromide, but my guess is most of us are secretly like my friend: We would sure like our shot at proving the theory wrong!

Solomon is simply refreshing us with truth we already embrace but periodically need reminded of to pull us back out of the gravitational lure of money and all the temporal stuff it provides. Let’s not forget what the Bible says: The love of money is the root of all sorts of evil. (I Timothy 1:6) Likewise, Jesus himself warned us that we cannot love and serve both God and money at the same time. (Matthew 6:24) Frankly, as much as we’d like to dispel Jesus’ platitude, it is impossible!

Rather than money, Solomon implores us to seek after wisdom. It is far better, buys much more, lasts infinitely longer than anything money affords and provides the best return on investment you will ever see in this life. Frankly, five minutes after your death, your money, power and fame will not even be worth the paper they were recorded on. In fact, it could be that your misuse of money, possessions and fame will put your account in the deficit when you reach eternity. Wisdom on the other hand, is an investment that will pay ever-increasing dividends throughout eternity. And maybe, just maybe, it will lead you to the proper attainment and stewarding of money, possessions and fame in this life, too.

Think of what would happen if you and I would sink as much blood, sweat and tears into the pursuit of Biblical wisdom as we do money, possession and fame! We would attain the kind of enduring wealth that earns the applause of heaven. By far, that is a great ROI!

Thrive: Read the parable of the rich fool and the commentary on money that follows in Luke 12:13-24. Write out a one paragraph prayer in your journal that incorporates Jesus’ teaching.

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God, Help Me to Get Off My Spiritual Duff

52 Simple Prayers for 2018

The writer of Proverbs used some pretty strong language in describing a lazy person. In the various Bible translations, he pictures a lazy-bones as someone who commits vandalism (The Message), a troublemaker (Contemporary English Version), one who commits suicide (Amplified), a destructive personality (Good News), and a great waster (21st Century King James). He is not simply someone who has a little issue with diligence, he’s got a major league problem with Creator God! The Bible says he is as bad as someone who destroys something valuable—perhaps because he is destroying the opportunities that God has placed before him to steward his talents, to produce beauty, to add value to this world, and to leverage his one and only life into something that glorifies the Creator.

A Simple Prayer for Getting Off My Spiritual Duff:

God, help me today to do everything in my power to take advantage of everything you’ve done in your power to make me a fully empowered child of the King!
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Adult Beverages

It is Better to Follow Christ than Culture

It used to be, not more than a mere generation ago, that “thou shalt not drink alcohol” along with a few other inviolable “shalt not’s”, was on a corollary set of Ten Commandments that my family and most other families in our brand of Christianity fiercely observed. These days it has gone so far the other way that you may be handed a brewski when you show up for your small group Bible study. Praise the Lord and pass the Coors Light!

Enduring Truth // Proverbs 20:1

Wine is a mocker and beer a brawler; whoever is led astray by them is not wise.

So who’s right: our tee-totaling grandparents or the beer-swilling hipster Christians of this present generation?

How about somewhere right down the middle. In my humble opinion, the Bible doesn’t condemn the moderate consumption and enjoyment of alcohol (I read somewhere that Jesus once turned water into the best wine ever tasted by man), but it does give us some pretty clear guidance on the matter:

  • It comes down pretty hard on those who use alcohol in a way that leads to drunkenness: “Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit.” (Eph 5:18)
  • It issues a clear admonition against alcohol’s mind-altering effects: “Whose heart is filled with anguish and sorrow? Who is always fighting and quarreling? Who is the man with bloodshot eyes and many wounds? It is the one who spends long hours in the taverns, trying out new mixtures. Don’t let the sparkle and the smooth taste of strong wine deceive you. For in the end it bites like a poisonous serpent; it stings like an adder. You will see hallucinations and have delirium tremens, and you will say foolish, silly things that would embarrass you no end when sober. You will stagger like a sailor tossed at sea, clinging to a swaying mast. And afterwards you will say, ‘I didn’t even know it when they beat me up. . . . Let’s go and have another drink!’” (Prov. 23:29-35)
  • It strongly warns again the false bravado and the negative personality change often associated with drinking: “Wine makes you mean, beer makes you quarrelsome—a staggering drunk is not much fun.” (Prov. 20:1)
  • It prohibits the believer’s use of alcohol when it causes another believer struggle in their faith: “Be careful, however, that the exercise of your rights does not become a stumbling block to the weak.” (1 Cor. 8:9)

As it relates to whether you should drink “adult beverages” or not, I would simply suggest that you consider the following:

First, consult what the “whole counsel of Scripture” has to say about wine, drinking and drunkenness. There’s a lot there, by the way. When it comes to alcohol, or any other questionable issue, let Scripture interpret Scripture as you form a Biblical opinion on the matter at hand.

Second, as a New Testament believer you have been set free from a long list of religious “do’s and don’t’s”. So don’t let any legalist draw you back into spiritual bondage. On the other hand, however, remember that just because God permits something doesn’t mean he will bless it.

Third, whenever there is an occasion where you will be offered a drink, ask yourself, “what would Jesus do in this situation?” Seriously, WWJD? I know that might sound hackneyed, but I truly believe it would be a good way to approach this whole matter.

Fourth, there is probably a very good reason why no one ever has said, “beer makes me a better Christian.” Nor has any ever said, “that guy’s drinking habits makes me want to follow Christ.” Maybe for that reason alone—for the health of our disciples and our witness—we ought to step away from the tap. Just saying!

But whether you and I agree on this matter or not, how about we extend each other a little grace? Or a lot!

Thrive: Develop your own theology of strong drink. Go through the Bible and read every passage that teaches about the consumption of alcohol, and write out a position statement summarizing your understanding of what God says about the matter. Then, if you don’t mind, send it to me. I’m curious what you found.