Good and Angry

“Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent.” (Psalm 4:4)

Food For Thought: When little kids are angry and ready to explode, sometimes their parents will tell them to count to ten before they say anything. That’s pretty sound advice. And it’s pretty biblical!

That’s what King David was saying: Don’t get angry; wait to say something until the next day.” If he were writing this psalm today, he might say, “Don’t send that email…don’t do anything you might regret. Sleep on it and if you still feel that way tomorrow, then you can hit the send button.” That’s what the Roman philosopher Seneca was thinking when he noted, “The greatest remedy for anger is delay”

How much grief and offense in relationships would be prevented if we’d just take the psalmist’s advice? Most of the damage done by anger is the result of people not thinking; they just react to the feelings they have at the moment. As John Boyes said, “Violence in the voice is often only the death rattle of reason in the throat.”

The greatest enemy to inappropriate anger is the brain. Whenever we can employ our powers of reasoning, our emotional will have less of a chance to cause an outburst of anger. But once we explode in anger, as the old proverb says, “it is like throwing a stone into a hornets nests.”

The Bible has quite a lot to say about controlling our anger. The book of James, often called the Proverbs of the New Testament, says in 1:19-21, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for a person’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent, and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.”

Did you notice how James says our anger puts right standing with God at risk? That’s pretty serious stuff. Jesus takes it a step further in Matthew 5:21-22, “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.”

What the Scripture is clearly saying is that anger is destructive to our relationships… and corrosive to our spirits…and that it jeopardizes our standing with God. The philosopher Plato said, “He best keeps from anger who remembers that God is always looking upon him.” For that reason alone, we should be highly motivated and diligent to rid anger from our lives.

So the question is, how do we win out over anger and rid ourselves of it before it corrodes, or perhaps destroys, our most significant relationships? There’s an instructive case study in Genesis 4:2-7 that’s loaded with several great anger management principles.

Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil. In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord. But Abel brought fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast. Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it.” Now Cain said to his brother Abel, “Let’s go out to the field.” And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him. Then the LORD said to Cain, “Where is your brother Abel?” “I don’t know,” he replied. “Am I my brother’s keeper?”

This story give us several clues to managing our anger:

First, it shows that our first response to anger ought to be self-analysis. Whenever I find myself getting upset, I ought to stop and say, “What does this say about me?” Notice how God attempts to get Cain to look within himself at the source of his anger: “Then the Lord said to Cain, ‘Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast?’”

In other words, before your react, think about it. Wouldn’t that simple action keep us from so much hardship in life? William Penn wrote, “It is he who is in the wrong who first gets angry.” In reality, anger reveals what kind of person you are…what’s in your heart, your character. C. S. Lewis said, “Surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of man he is. If there are rats in a cellar, you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly. But the suddenness does not create the rats; it only prevents them from hiding. In the same way, the suddenness of the provocation does not make me ill-tempered; it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am.”

So if you find yourself reacting in anger, ask yourself what the presence of anger is saying about your spirit or your character. Practice what James says…it’s called slowing. Quick to listen…slow to speak…slow to anger! Develop the discipline of stopping to think it through!

Second, Genesis shows that our response is more important than the circumstances that caused our anger. The situations that give rise to anger are never as important as my response to those circumstances.

I can’t think of a more important life-principle than this: What happens to me is never as important as what happens in me. Notice what God says, “If you do what is right, you’ll be accepted…” God doesn’t address the fairness or unfairness of what’s happened…he just says, Cain…do the right thing.

So as it relates to my anger, when a situation arises that disappoints me, am I going to unleash an emotional reaction or am I going to offer an intelligent response? Every anger-producing situation I face is an opportunity for a God-honoring response!

Third, we must remember that we are accountable for our anger. God says to Cain, “Cain, you can overcome it.” When Cain fails to do so, and murders his brother, God calls to him to account, “Where is your brother?”

One day we will stand before God and give account for our lives…and the inappropriate use of our anger. Jesus said in Matthew 12:36 that on judgment day, we’ll be answerable for every idle word we speak. We won’t be able to say on that day, “My wife made me do it…my husband pushed me too far…my kids drove me nuts…the devil made me do it…I was genetically predisposed to anger…” God will look at us and say, “I expected you to master it, and you didn’t.” Or he will look at us and say, “It was tough…you were pushed to the edge, but you got a handle on your temper. Well done!” We’re accountable for it!

Angry feelings are inevitable; we can’t escape them. But you’re your anger doesn’t have to destroy the people in your life.

If anger is controlling your life in any way, don’t tolerate it another day. Confess it to your Heavenly Father, make a commitment to deal with it today. Do the right thing: Use the brain God gave you to govern the emotions he gave you. You’ll be blessed!

Prayer: Lord, today it is very likely that I will experience something that will tempt me to either explode or silently seethe with anger. Help me to handle the anger producing people and situations that I will encounter in a way that pleases you. Unlike Cain, I want to pass the anger test in my life; I want to be blessed. So in advance, I give commit this day and all that it will contain to bringing you glory through my response. Amen.

One More Thing… There are two things a person should never be angry at, what they can help, and what they cannot. Thomas Secker wrote, “He that would be angry and sin not, must not be angry with anything but sin.”