SYNOPSIS: The deepest and best relationships—be it marriage or friendship—rest upon something of God we see in another. When we see the beauty of Christ or the purity of the Spirit or the implanted potential of the Creator, and we’re drawn to that over physical attraction or the career they hold or their popular appeal, we have found the basis of that which God desires a relationship to be built. The greatest thing any person can do for another is to confirm the deepest thing in him or her; to take the time and have the interest and exercise the discernment to see what of God is there, then affirm it and encourage it.
Going Deep // Focus: 1 Samuel 20:16-17
So Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, “May the Lord call David’s enemies to account.” And Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath out of love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself.
Jonathan and David—what a friendship. In 2 Samuel 1, we read of David’s lament when the news was brought to him of the deaths of King Saul and Prince Jonathan. As David’s heart overflowed with grief for the loss of his dear friend, he poured forth some of the most moving and beautiful words ever written about a friend,
Saul and Jonathan — in life they were loved and gracious, and in death they were not parted. They were swifter than eagles, they were stronger than lions. O daughters of Israel, weep for Saul, who clothed you in scarlet and finery, who adorned your garments with ornaments of gold. How the mighty have fallen in battle! Jonathan lies slain on your heights. I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother; you were very dear to me. Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women. How the mighty have fallen! (2 Samuel 1:23-27)
Interestingly, the unlikely friendship that developed between David and Jonathan was a bright spot in what was mostly the dark context of Jonathan’s father, King Saul’s hatred for David. Yet how true that is of significant friendships: they are born, tested, and strengthened in the crucible of difficulty. As someone has rightly said, “Prosperity begets friends, adversity proves them.”
When the rest of the world abandoned David, Jonathan stood by him. Jonathan’s friendship entered David’s soul in a way Saul’s hatred never did. Writer Chuck Swindoll says they became “kindred spirits.” They were soul-mates of a different kind, to paraphrase Aristotle, “a single soul dwelling in two bodies.”
One of the bright moments in David’s rise to power was the strengthening hand of his friend, Jonathan, the rightful heir to the throne that David would occupy in Jonathan’s stead. So close was this friendship that David said it surpassed the love a man might have for a woman, or as the Contemporary English Version reads, “You were truly loyal to me, more faithful than a wife to her husband.” The Message captures it this way: “Your friendship was a miracle-wonder, love far exceeding anything I’ve known—or ever hope to know.” (2 Samuel 1:26)
As King Saul was declining, and trying to take David down with him, it was Jonathan who was largely responsible for sustaining and strengthening David to stay faithful and hopeful in the Lord. Jonathan’s friendship bracketed and contained Saul’s evil. The friendship Jonathan offered to David was truly redemptive—a relationship that truly was spiritual at the core. The foundation and the formation of this friendship were centered on their shared devotion to God.
I Samuel 18:1-4 says, “After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return to his father’s house. And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow, and his belt.”
In the purest sense, this was love at first sight. The moment Jonathan saw David go out to battle, his heart went out to him in great affection and devotion. He loved David for what he saw of God in him: Courage to face a giant, trust that God would go with him, loyalty to the king that led him to risk certain death, and such devotion to God’s people that he’d put his life on the line to achieve victory for Israel. These character qualities that Jonathan saw in David drew from him deep admiration and covenantal love. And it was their covenant, by the way, not their circumstances, that drove their relationship.
That is God’s plan for human souls—to be knit like that together. Adam and Eve came into the world like that, knit together in a oneness which God had given them—they were kindred spirits. But sin, the thing that separates the human heart from its Creator, also divides human hearts from one another. And the sad result of original sin has been with us ever since. Rather than living in the unity of community, we drift toward the shores of isolation and loneliness.
Yet every human heart cries out that it might be knit to another as Jonathan was knit to David, as Adam was knit to Eve. And every authentic friendship, every intimate marriage, every Godly courtship, every soul–mate relationship is a re-establishment of the sacred union of God’s original intent for human beings.
The deepest and best relationships—be it marriage or friendship—rest upon something of God we see in another. When we see the beauty of Christ or the purity of the Spirit or the implanted potential of the Creator, and we’re drawn to that over physical attraction or the career they hold or their popular appeal, we have found the basis of that which God desires a relationship to be built. The greatest thing any person can do for another is to confirm the deepest thing in him or her; to take the time and have the interest and exercise the discernment to see what of God is there, then affirm it and encourage it.
That’s what David and Jonathan had—a friendship that was fundamentally spiritual!
I believe that rather than focusing on having these kinds of Jonathan-like friends, we’d see better results if we’d focus on being a Jonathan-like friend. Each of us desires someone like Jonathan in our lives—and it’s certainly appropriate to pray that way. But each of us should pray that God will make us a Jonathan to a David.
What sort of friend are you? If you were somebody else, would you want you as a friend? Is your love for people unconditional and selfless and steadfast? If you want to have those kinds of friends, show yourself to be that kind of friend.
The best vitamin for redemptive friendships: B-1!
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