Getting stabbed in the back makes you want to retreat into a protective shell; to not trust, or be vulnerable, or open up to God, or go to church. King David wanted to withdraw from his betrayal: “Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I’d fly away and be at rest—I’d flee far away and stay in the desert; I’d hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm.” (Psalm 55:6-8) But Biblical rest doesn’t refer to geography—it’s a place in the heart. “Getting away from it all” rarely results in leaving your problems behind. The best practice for betrayal is to take it to Jesus!
Going Deep // Focus: 2 Samuel 16:33
Ahithophel’s advice was like that of one who inquires of God. That’s how both David and Absalom regarded all of his advice.
The setting is Absalom’s conspiracy to usurp his father’s throne. Ahithophel is David’s confidant and counselor—a trusted friend, or so David thought. But Ahithophel didn’t just side with Absalom in the coup, chapter 15:10-14 says, he actually advised the son to pursue his father and kill him.
Absalom sent secret messengers to Israel’s tribal leaders saying, “When you hear the sound of the trumpets, say, ‘Absalom is king in Hebron.’” Two hundred men from Jerusalem accompanied Absalom, but knew nothing of the plot. While he was offering sacrifices, he also sent for Ahithophel the Gilonite, David’s counselor. So the conspiracy gained strength and Absalom’s following increased. Then a messenger came to David, “The hearts of Israel are with Absalom.” Then David said to all the officials who were with him in Jerusalem, “We must flee immediately, or none of us will escape. Absalom will move quickly to put the city to the sword.”
David was devastated by the events. Not only was his son usurping his throne, but his most trusted advisory and confident had turned on him. 2 Samuel 15: 30-31 describes the king’s intense emotional pain:
David fled barefoot, his head covered, weeping as he went. All the people covered their heads too and wept as they went. Then David was told, “Ahithophel is one of the conspirators with Absalom.” So David prayed, “O Lord, turn Ahithophel’s counsel into foolishness.”
Later on, David wrote a moving and insightful psalm about Ahithophel’s betrayal—Psalm 55:12-14, 20-21,
If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship as we walked with the throng at the house of God. My companion attacks his friends; he violates his covenant. His speech is smooth as butter, yet war is in his heart; his words are more soothing than oil, yet they are drawn swords.
An enemy—we can handle that; but how do you give grace when one you trusted was all sweetness and light to your face but sticking it to you when you weren’t looking? Consider what David did:
First, control the urge to withdraw. Getting stabbed in the back makes you want to retreat into a protective shell; to not trust, or be vulnerable, or open up to God, or go to church. David wanted to withdraw. He said in Psalm 55:6-8, “Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I’d fly away and be at rest—I’d flee far away and stay in the desert; I’d hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm.”
But Biblical rest doesn’t refer to geography—it’s a place in the heart. “Getting away from it all” rarely results in leaving your problems behind. The best practice for betrayal is to take it to Jesus! David quickly follows up in Psalm 55:16-17, 22,
But I call to God, and he saves me. Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice…Cast your cares on the LORD and he’ll sustain you; he’ll never let the righteous fall.”
Second, cultivate a rear guard. Betrayal is so emotionally depleting that we need to have people who’ll be our armor bearers. David had some guys who stood by him. In 2 Samuel 15:15 & 21, David’s men say, “We’re ready to do whatever the king chooses.” …Ittai said, “As surely as the Lord lives…wherever my lord the king may be, whether it means life or death, I will be there.” You need people who will cover your backside—so do what it takes to cultivate protective friendships.
Third, cherish the Backstabber’s unintended work. If you know the pain of betrayal from divorce, or abandonment, or abuse; if you know the pain of being humiliated, unfairly fired, marginalized, ridiculed or lied about; if you have been robbed of dignity and respect, and your betrayer can never really repay you, you have got to let go so you can grow. David did. 2 Samuel 15:25-26, he said to Zadok the priest,
Take the ark back to Jerusalem. If I find favor in God’s eyes, he’ll bring me back and let me see it and his dwelling place again. But if he says, ‘I’m not pleased with you,’ then I’m ready; let him do to me whatever seems good to him.
David was willing to accept that God’s deeper work might be at the sharp edge of the betrayers knife. Charles Spurgeon said, “I bear willing witness that I owe more to the fire, the hammer and the file than to anything else in the Lord’s workshop.” The truth is, the fire, hammer and file of a betrayal may very well be God’s tool of choice. That was true for David.
If you’re going through the pain of betrayal right now, remember, you are just walking where great people have walked before. From the Great Cloud of Witnesses (Hebrews 12), they will be with you. Most importantly, always remember what Paul said in 2 Timothy 4:17 during a time of betrayal,
God stood by my side and gave me strength.
He will do that for you too!
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