Who You Gonna Blame?

“A man’s own folly ruins his life, yet his heart rages against the Lord.” (Proverbs 19:3)

Food For Thought: Have you ever been guilty of that?

• Have you ever overspent, or exercised poor financial management, or purchased something that you couldn’t afford, then blamed God for a bank account that won’t pay the bills or allow you any breathing room?

• Have you been guilty of neglecting devotion to God—Bible reading, prayer, worship, regular church attendance—then wonder why God doesn’t seem to speak to you or answer you in times of distress?

• Have you withheld the Lord’s tithe, then blamed God for the loss of a job, or unhappiness in your vocation, or a rotten work environment?

• Have you been undisciplined in eating, sleeping and exercise patterns, then disappointed with God that he doesn’t cure a physical challenge?

• Have you ever allowed negative personality traits to remain unchecked then wonder why God doesn’t give you close friends or why you can seem to sustain a dating relationship or why God doesn’t bring a mate into your life?

Raging against God or blaming anybody other than yourself is dangerous! Why? Because it’s counter-productive to personal growth, it reduces you to a victim, and it will ruin the life God wants you to have. Read the verse again: “A man’s own folly ruins his life, yet his heart rages against the Lord.”

Notice 2 key words. The first one is the word ruin. In the Hebrew, salap, means to distort, twist, or pervert. It means to twist the facts or distort reality, and it leads to clouding one’s ability to think clearly. If we are in the habit of casting blame against God, or anybody else for that matter, instead of being personally responsible for our own actions, the verse says we’ll have twisted thinking. We’ll lose touch with what’s really going on.

The second word is the word rages, in Hebrew, za ep, which carries the idea of fuming or storming. It was used to describe breathing hard or blowing, as a storm blows in and rages. Blame shifting leads to the kind of twisted thinking that causes one to rage unreasonably against the wrong object. In this case, people storm against God when they ought to be mad at themselves.

How can we avoid the trap of making excuses and blaming God and others and falling into the victim syndrome? Four things:

Number One: I must exercise discernment. In other words, I must develop the skill of making the connection between cause and effect. When something goes wrong, I need to figure out the real reason why!

Did I play an active role in this happening to me? Was there a passive part I had in opening myself up to this circumstance? Would this have happened no matter what?

The story is told in Discipleship Journal of the manager of a minor league baseball team who was so disgusted with his center fielder’s performance that he ordered him to the dugout and assumed the position himself. The first ball that came into center field took a bad hop and hit the manager in the mouth. The next one was a high fly ball, which he lost in the glare of the sun—until it bounced off his forehead. The third was a hard line drive that he charged with outstretched arms, but it flew between his hands and smacked his eye. Well, the manager was so furious, he ran back to the dugout, grabbed the center fielder by the uniform, and shouted, “You idiot! You’ve got center field so messed up even I can’t do a thing with it!”

A lot of people are like that—consistently unable to make the connection between cause and effect relationships.

The Living Translation of Proverbs 19:3 says, “People ruin their lives by their own foolishness and then are angry at the Lord.” When things go wrong, figure out the cause and see how you contributed to it. Even if you had nothing to do with it, how did you respond to it? Many times it’s our poor response to outside forces that ruins our lives. You can’t always control your circumstances, but you can control how you respond to them!

Number Two: I must refuse to blame. Simple as that…just withhold this human need to find a scapegoat! In the Christian Reader, Lillian Holcomb speaks of telling her two grandsons a Bible story, then asking if they knew what the word sin meant. Seven-year-old Keith spoke up: “It’s when you do something bad.” Then four-year-old Aaron’s eyes widened. “I know a big sin Keith did today.” Keith turned in annoyance to his little brother and said, “You take care of your sins, and I’ll take care of mine.”

That’s pretty good advice. That’s what Jesus was saying when he talked about taking care of the log in your own eye before you try to get the speck of dust out of your friend’s eye. “Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging.” Matthew 7:1-2 (The Message)

Number Three: I must accept responsibility. Become a student of your mistakes…learn from the things life throws your way and choose to grow through them! One evening some college students spread limburger cheese on the upper lip of a sleeping fraternity brother. Upon awakening the young man sniffed, looked around, and said, “This room stinks!” He then walked into the hall and said, “This dorm stinks!” Leaving the dormitory he said, “The whole world stinks!”

The key to avoiding the victim trap and growing in your character is when you fail, don’t make excuses. Own up to it, learn from it and move forward! King David is such a marvelous example of taking responsibility, growing, and being better because of personal failure: “Against you alone have I sinned…purify me from my sins…then I will teach your ways to sinners.” Psalm 51:4,7,13 (Living Translation)

Number Four: When something bad comes my way, I must be willing to let it go. In other words, if I want to avoid living life as a victim, I need to build a bridge and get over it. If I want to grow through all my experiences, then I’ll have to let God do his job by letting go of my hurt and my need to cause hurt to those who have hurt me.

It takes real trust to turn those things over to God, but he is in the business of turning bad into good and failure into growth.

The classic example of this is in Genesis, where Joseph languished in prison because of the evil of his brothers. When finally given the opportunity to exact revenge, Joseph gave this incredible reply: “Am I God, to judge you? As far as I’m concerned, God turned into good what you meant for evil.” (Genesis 50:19-20, Living Translation)

It is not God’s plan for us to live as victims. Painful circumstances that are brought on from either uncontrollable outside forces or because of our own doing are real opportunities for God to work in our lives. It all depends on our response. Will I blame, seek revenge, hold grudges…or will I trust, learn and grow?

Legend has it that a long time ago, a king placed a boulder on a road. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Wealthy merchants and noblemen came by and simply walked around it, blaming the king for not keeping the roads clear. But none did anything about getting the big stone out of the way. Then a peasant came to the rock, carrying a load of vegetables. He put down his burden and put his shoulder to the stone, and after a great effort, he pushed it to the side. As the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse in the road where the boulder had been. It was full of gold coins and a note from the king saying that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway.

The peasant learned what many of us never understand. Every obstacle presents an opportunity to enrich one’s life and every disappointment is a chance to build a bridge to God’s blessing.

Prayer: Lord, help me today to accept full responsibility for the mistakes that I have made and the courage to make the changes that will lead to your favor. Give me an understanding mind that I might comprehend the relationship between cause and effect in my life. And when things go wrong that are beyond my control, remind me that my response to those circumstance is much more important than the circumstances themselves. Help me to do right in every situation and be pleasing to you.

One more thing… A good question to ask yourself is, “What kind of world would this world be if everyone were just like me?” You are an open book telling the world about its author.