Ouch!

“He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise. He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding. The fear of the Lord teaches a man wisdom, and humility comes before honor.” (Proverbs 18:12; 15:30-33)

Food For Thought: When I was in my early adult years, a friend of mine once received what I perceived was some unfair criticism. My encouragement to him was to consider the source and reject the criticism outright. But he wisely said to me, “I think on this one I will chew up the meat and spit out the bones.”

In other words, he believed there might be an element of truth in the painful things that had been said to him. There was possibly something here that could help sharpen him. Or at the very least, there would be in his response to this situation, an opportunity for him to learn and grow. He had embraced the spirit that Heinrich Heine talked about when he wrote, “He only profits from praise who values criticism.”

His wise response revealed my own immaturity that day. I would have reacted harshly, (Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger”), proudly (Proverbs 15: 33 says, “The fear of the Lord teaches a man wisdom, and humility comes before honor”) and defensively (Proverbs 15:18 says, “A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel”)…and I would have missed an opportunity to honor God’s Word and grow in God’s wisdom. My estimation of this friend grew that day. And over the course of his adult life, he has proven to be a great man.

What Solomon is teaching in these verses about the personal growth, wisdom and honor that can come through humbly receiving a rebuke is counter-intuitive to our natural response to correction. Our tendency is to react defensively and reject the criticism as irrelevant and unwarranted. Usually we get hurt, we hardened our heart, and we return their words correction with harsh words of our own.

And when we do, we reveal something about ourselves…namely, our immaturity.

If we listen to Solomon’s advice, however, we will discover there is always an opportunity to grow in wisdom, understanding and honor through a humble response to the hard lessons that life sometimes brings our way. Proverbs 15 teaches us how we can humbly embrace correction and turn it into an opportunity to grow in honor:

First, we need to be quick to hear. Verse 31 begins with these words, “He who listens to a …rebuke.” The failure of some people is to quit listening when they find themselves being rebuked, corrected or even challenged. But Solomon says the wise person will tune in rather than tune out when they hear things that are personally unpleasant.

Second, we need to look for the positive in the rebuke. Solomon calls it “a life-giving rebuke…” (v. 31). We need to be open to the possibility that within the criticism is an element of truth that can keep us from harmful behavior in the future. Sometimes we will experience life-draining criticism from people who, perhaps, are speaking out of their own issues and don’t have our best interests in mind. But before we reject their words, we need to look for life-giving nuggets of truth.

Third, we need to reflect on the alternative to rejecting rebuke outright. Solomon talks about the danger of brushing aside valid criticism when he says, “He who ignores discipline despises himself…” ( v. 32) When we make a practice of seeing the truth or the good in criticism, then the consequences of rejecting it becomes a lot less attractive.

Fourth, we need to consider rebuke as God’s tool to sharpen our lives. Solomon says “…whoever heeds correction gains understanding.” (v. 32) He then says “the fear of the Lord teaches wisdom.” (v. 33) Solomon is saying that criticism can be a great teacher, a tremendous source of understanding. A person of understanding will see the criticism not just as coming from a human mouthpiece, but from the Lord himself.

The New Testament writer of Hebrews says it this way,

“The Lord disciplines those he loves, and punishes everyone he accepts as a son. Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live. Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” (Hebrews 12: 5 –11)

Benjamin Franklin captured the essence of both the Proverb and the teaching of Hebrews when he said, “Those things that hurt, instruct.”

And fifth, we need to cultivate humility. Solomon taught that “…humility comes before honor.” (v. 33) There is no way we can take a rebuke with a right spirit without humility being a characteristic of our lives. Humility is what disciplines us to hold our tongue and not respond with anger. Humility is what enables us to see the long-term benefits that may be hidden in the criticism. Humility is what enables us to turn unfair and unwarranted criticism, and the person who delivered it, over to God’s care.

Humility receives, pride reacts. Humility responds wisely, pride explodes with defensiveness. Humility makes rebuke a growth opportunity, pride shuts the door to a life-giving experience.

When we handle criticism well, we gain understanding and wisdom, and at the end of the day, honor and a life of distinction await us.

One More Thing… Norman Vincent Peale once pointed out, “The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.”

Prayer: Lord, teach me to be quick to listen, slow to anger and slow to speak. Help me to develop a humble spirit so I might look for opportunities to grow and be sharpened through the difficult things that are said to me. My tendency is to react too quickly, too humanly. But I want to be one who responds to all things as if they were coming from you. Amen.