“Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips…Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness; let him rebuke me—it is oil on my head. My head will not refuse it.” (Psalm 141:3&5)
Food For Thought: Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” He spoke these words to a jury in the court of Athens in 399 BC after he had been found guilty of heresy and sedition. He was referring to the duty we have to delve into and discuss all matters of life as independent critical thinkers. I would adjust Socrates words a bit and say that each of us has a duty to allow certain people to delve into all matters pertaining to our lives as independent critical observers. In other words, we need to allow people to speak loving truth about the way we are living our lives. We need to be accountable.
The Psalmist embraced this idea. He first of all wanted the Lord to keep him from doing evil. But if he failed, he was willing to allow righteous people to be instruments of God’s discipline by bringing tough, but loving and corrective rebuke into his life. The writer of Proverbs picked up this idea when he wrote, “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” (27:6)
Let me ask you this: To whom have you given permission to examine your life? Are you accountable to someone? Do you have a trusted and mature Christian who can “strike you”, figuratively speaking, of course, and you receive it as “oil to your head”?
If you do, you are most blessed! In that person who honestly but lovingly holds you accountable, you have a gift from God. You should tell them so!
If you don’t have someone like that, you are in trouble! You are susceptible to sin. Your personal, emotional and spiritual growth is being hindered. And you are in disobedience to God.
I would suggest that today you begin to work on bringing people onto your personal development team. Cultivate the kinds of friends that will be truthful with you. This is so important if you are going develop into Christ-likeness. It is absolutely critical that you have someone who’s committed to growth in your character through loving honesty. Proverbs 27:5 says, “Better an open rebuke than hidden love.”
Now I’m not declaring open season for brutal honesty…but I am in favor of loving honesty! Interestingly, our verse in Psalm 141:5 says, “Let a righteous man strike me –it is a kindness…” The Hebrew word for “kindness” is “hesed,” which means loving acts of authentic friendship. We need to give certain people in our lives the freedom to be totally, lovingly truthful with us…and to receive it as a kindness, as an act of friendship.
That’s what author Jeremy Taylor was referring to when he wrote, “By friendship, you mean the greatest love, the greatest usefulness, the most open communication, the noblest suffering, the severest truth, the heartiest counsel, and the greatest union of minds of which brave men and women are capable.”
The temptation we all face is to surround ourselves with people who make us feel good. But we’ll never grow past our character flaws and personality weaknesses if we never give permission to a few people to speak into our lives. Proverbs 15:31 says, “He who listens to a life-giving rebuke will be at home among the wise.” That’s like the old Jewish proverb which says, “A friend is one who warns you.”
Got anyone who will warn you? Have you given anyone freedom to rebuke you? Anyone close to you speaking truth into your life?
If you’re going to get better, if you’re going to grow in Christ-likeness, if you’re going to win at life, you’ve got to bring a few people onto your personal development team. It will be a kindness to you!
Prayer: Lord, thank you for the few people in my life who have being willing to risk our friendship by confronting me with the truth. It hurt, but it was a kindness. It corrected me. It set me on a better path. It forged your character in me. I am better because of it. Lord, bless them! And may I never be far from people like that. Keep me from living an unexamined life. Amen.
One More Thing… “Too often we confuse love with permissiveness. It is not love to fail to dissuade another believer from sin any more than it is love to fail to take a drink away from an alcoholic or matches away from a baby. True fellowship out of love for one another demands accountability.” —Anonymous
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