SYNOPSIS: How many lives have crashed and burned by a lack of discretion? How many careers have been ruined by an absence of understanding? How many marriages have failed and families imploded because of poor judgment? How much potential evaporated because someone did not make wise choices? Here’s a sobering exercise: Go back to your high school yearbook and take note of the wreckage of far too many people who squandered one opportunity after another simply by failing to exert discretion. Here’s the deal: God has given you a wonderful gift—the ability to choose wisely. Simply exercising discretion today will keep you from disaster tomorrow. I trust that you will use that gift to its fullest potential.

Moments With God // Proverbs 2:11

Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you.

Harry Emerson Fosdick, the well-known preacher of a hundred years ago, wrote, “He who chooses the beginning of a road chooses the place it leads to. It is the means that determine the end.” The ability to choose the right road is what discretion is all about.

The dictionary defines discretion as sound judgment and the power to decide rightly. It is the ability to judge right from wrong and choose what is wholesome from what is harmful. Solomon, one of the wisest men who ever lived, tells us that discretion—the power to choose plus the decision to choose wisely—is one of the main ingredients to wisely navigating the sometimes rocky and often dangerous course on the journey of life.

How many lives have crashed and burned by a lack of discretion? How many careers have been ruined by an absence of understanding? How many marriages have failed and families imploded because of poor judgment? How much potential evaporated because someone did not make wise choices? Here’s a sobering exercise: Go back to your high school yearbook ten, twenty, or thirty years after your graduation, and chances are you will see the wreckage of far too many people who squandered one opportunity after another simply by failing to exert discretion.

As noted, the practice of discretion, or the lack thereof, tells much about who we are and the places we will go in life. Listen carefully to the wise words of Eleanor Roosevelt: “One’s philosophy is not best expressed in words. It is expressed in the choices one makes.” She goes on, as does Solomon in Proverbs 2, to place the responsibility of exerting discretion and making wise choices squarely at our feet: “And the choices we make are ultimately our responsibility.” (Tim Kimmel, Little House on the Freeway, 143)

God has given you a wonderful gift—the ability to choose wisely. Simply exercising discretion today will keep you from disaster tomorrow. I trust that you will use that gift to its fullest potential. The choice is yours!

Now, the question you likely want to ask me is, “How can I nurture discretion in my life?” Or, “how can I help my child learn to use discretion as they grow into their teen and young adult years?” Well, I would say, first of all, that prayer never hurts. Ask God for it. James 1:5 exhorts, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”

Beyond that, I think the THINK method ought to be a mental checklist we use and teach our children to use throughout the day. I am not sure who came up with this simple formula, but it is good. Before you decide, speak, and act, first THINK:

• T – true: ask, “Is this true?”
• H – helpful: ask, “Will this help me and others?”
• I – inspiring: ask, “Will this inspire people to greater heights?”
• N – necessary: ask, “Is it necessary for me to do this?”
• K – kind: ask, “Will  those around me receive this as kindness?”

Train yourself—and your children—to THINK first, and your family will be known for its discretion.

“ In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. — ELEANOR ROOSEVELT

SYNOPSIS: When we ignore God’s promise to fully satisfy our sexual desires through a loving, life-long, and faithful relationship with the person to whom we are married, we will end up elevating the world’s false promise of sensual satisfaction to god-like status—at our own peril. Apart from God’s design for human sexuality, sexual gratification is what C.S. Lewis referred to as the “sweet poison of the false infinite.” It is nothing more than a “substitute sacred”—a surrogate we desperately use to fill the emptiness of our dissatisfied lives, but never can. In reality, only the one true Sacred can do that! St. Augustine said it well, “Sin comes when we take a perfectly natural desire, and try desperately to fulfill it without God…All these good things, and all our security, are rightly found only and completely in him.”

Moments With God // Proverbs 5:5

The seductive woman is dancing down the primrose path to Death; she’s headed straight for Hell and taking you with her. (The Message)

“Sex, sex, sex!” Have you noticed how our culture worships sexual gratification—sexual fulfillment achieved with anyone, any time and in any way you want? My guess is that any alien who landed on Planet Earth to research our species would have to conclude one thing just from the 250 million pornographic links from the 1.3 million porn sites that are available on the Internet.

No doubt about it: sex is god of the human race.

The book of Proverbs warns us repeatedly that when we ignore God’s promise to fully satisfy our sexual desires through a loving, life-long, and faithful relationship with the person to whom we are married, we will end up elevating the world’s promise of sensual satisfaction to god-like status—at our own peril. You see, money, power, fame, relationships, possessions, and sex—especially sex—are what C.S. Lewis referred to as the “sweet poison of the false infinite.”

We might call them “substitute sacreds”—the surrogates we desperately use to fill the emptiness of our dissatisfied lives. In reality, however, no substitute sacred ever fulfills what it so brazenly promises. Only the one true Sacred can do that! St. Augustine said,

“Sin comes when we take a perfectly natural desire or longing or ambition and try desperately to fulfill it without God…All these good things, and all our security, are rightly found only and completely in him.”

God longs for us to come to him with the needs of our soul so he can graciously and abundantly and unendingly satisfy our deepest longings and most powerful passions—in his way and in his time. As Augustine said, God has created us for himself, and we will only find satisfaction when we find our satisfaction in him. Again, that includes our sexual needs fulfilled according to God’s design.

Annie Dillard tells of an experiment in which entomologists enticed male butterflies with a painted cardboard replica larger and more enticing than the females of their species. These male butterflies would repeatedly and eagerly mount the colorful cardboard cutout to mate with it, while nearby, the real, living female butterfly enticingly opened and closed her wings in vain.

Friend, the real, living God is near, longing to cover you in the shadow of his wings, where he will provide for you soul-satisfaction in every dimension of your being—even the sexual. Why settle for a substitute sacred when the real Divine awaits!

SYNOPSIS: Parents, start early and do it often. Don’t abdicate the impartation of wisdom to your children’s teacher, youth pastor, their friends, and especially not to pop culture. It is your job—so you do it! Do it out of love. Do it out of your own reservoir of Godly wisdom. Take responsibility for shaping their lives. Do it because next to the Word of God, you are the single biggest influence for good and godliness your child has.

Moments With God // Proverbs 4:1-2

Listen, friends, to some fatherly advice; sit up and take notice so you’ll know how to live. I’m giving you good counsel; don’t let it go in one ear and out the other. (The Message)

“Listen up!” People who know me will hear me say that with some regularity. It’s my way of getting people’s attention. It means that I’m fixin’ to say something that’s extremely important—at least in my humble opinion.

I think it’s especially important for parents to be giving those kinds of “listen up” talks to their children. It may not be as frequently, but now that I am a grandparent, I plan to have those kinds of talks with the grandkids, too.

Parents, start early and do it often. Don’t abdicate the impartation of wisdom to your children’s teacher, youth pastor, their friends, and especially not to pop culture. It is your job—so you do it!

Do it out of love. Do it out of your own reservoir of Godly wisdom (which, if you don’t have it, means you need to quickly get to the Source and start filling your own tank). Take responsibility for shaping their lives. Do it because next to the Word of God, you are the single biggest influence for good and godliness your child has—or at least you should be.

My fear is that far too many parents have left the business of molding their child’s intellect and character to the winds of fate. Perhaps that’s why, as many of us are convinced, our country is morally and intellectually adrift—fast approaching the shoals of a once-great nation. But I’m not ready to abandon our culture to second-rate status; I believe we can quickly reverse our spiritual-moral-cultural drift one child at a time by parents simply doing what parents are supposed to do: Having those “listen up talks” with our kids.

When my older daughter graduated from a leading business school with her MBA, during a break in the commencement activities, her mother and I were having one of those “listen up” talks with her—at her invitation (by the way, the ratio of unsolicited to solicited parental advice obviously decreases as the age of your child increases—and at a certain point, you get to have those talks only as they invite you into their world). I found myself sharing with her my list of life lessons—humorously couched in “Life Lesson #…” language. But I was seriously sharing from my reservoir of life experiences as filtered through God’s Word—and she was listening.

Fast forward a few years and I can tell you she has done just fine because that wasn’t the first nor the only “listen up” talk we had. We still do from time to time. And now I have the joy of watching her give the “listen up” talks to her children. I am convinced those children, my precious grandkids, will do just fine, too.

Maybe it’s time you had the first in a series of many “listen up” talks with those special people in your life.

“ To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while. —JOSH BILLINGS

SYNOPSIS: What explains the nasty, age of outrage, knee-jerk cancel culture that America now is? How about a growing culture of contempt. And while it’s easy to fall into that cultural pattern, as Christ-followers, we’re called to banish contempt, which reveals itself in the form of rudeness, which in turn expresses its ugly self in the form of putdowns, sarcasm, and angry outbursts. Rudeness, along with its foot soldiers, must be ruthlessly removed from our bag of responses, whether nursed in our minds, spoken through our words, or delivered by our actions. It matters not if our rudeness is directed at a spouse, a sibling, a coworker, a friend, the President, or to no one in particular on a social media post, love is NEVER rude; rather it is ALWAYS kind and patient and gentle and good and uplifting. If you will choose to be a person who always builds up and never puts down, you will be a conduit of agape love! (I Cor 8:1; 13:4)

Make Love Work // 1 Corinthians 13:4 (NLT)

Love is … not rude.

Rudeness is the weak person’s imitation of strength, as Eric Hoffer noted. Just remember that when you have been treated rudely, or when you are tempted to treat someone rudely.

In reality, rudeness is nothing more than a thinly veiled and poorly disguised form of anger. And, unfortunately, it seems to be the gateway drug to other, worse ways that we treat people. Rudeness can turn to anger, spite, derision, contempt, and eventually to “canceling” (currently, the cultural response du jour), another person from our lives. All of the above, I believe, fit into what Jesus warned against in Matthew 5:22,

But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.

Often our rudeness is the gateway drug for other nastiness. It morphs into disdain for others, which then becomes derision, and in turn the conduit of words flung at or about another usually through name-calling and put-downs. In the Greek text of Matthew, Jesus used the word “Raca,” which literally meant, “you nobody…you empty head.” It’s like the oft-used put-downs, “he’s an airhead,” or “she a dumb blond.”

Those kinds of put-downs aren’t so much about the lack of intelligence of the person to whom they’re directed, but the rudeness of the person from which they came. It’s a particularly nasty form of contempt for another human being that has no place among God’s people.

But even worse, Jesus says, is when we express our disdain for someone, whether it comes in the form of rudeness or out-and-out rage, in a way that poisons their reputation in the eyes of others. Jesus says we do that when we call someone a “fool”. The Greek word is moros; the word moron comes from it. Moros refers not so much to the content in a person’s head—or lack thereof—but the content of their character—what makes them who they are! It’s the worst kind of murder of all: to assassinate another’s character; to murder their reputation; to kill their standing in the eyes of others.

Have you ever become so disgusted with someone that you can’t stand the sight of them—or disliked their personality so much that you snarl when you use their name? Have you expressed derision for the president lately or some other political leader who turns your stomach? When you think of others with whom you completely disagree, are your thoughts about them full of disgust and contempt? Jesus says that kind of rudeness on steroids is a killer of relationships.

Back in 1994, U. S. News and World Report presented some research about married couples who either stayed together or split up during their first decade of marriage. Interestingly, those who endured and those who didn’t looked remarkably similar in the early days. But they found a very subtle difference: Among couples who ultimately stayed together, 5 out of every 100 comments made about each other were put-downs. Among couples who split up, 10 of every 100 comments were insults. But that gap grew wider over the following decade, until unhealthy couples were flinging five times the put-downs as healthy couples. The researchers concluded: “Hostile putdowns act as cancerous cells that, if unchecked, erode the relationship over time.”

Rudeness, in whatever form, acts as cancerous cells that erode any relationship over time. It will erode the love to which we are called as Christ-followers to demonstrate toward all people. And in the end, it will erode the heart of the one who is rude.

We live in a culture of contempt—and it’s easy to fall in line with that pattern—but we’re called to banish rudeness, putdowns, sarcasm, anger, and contempt from our response to others, whether it is just in our thoughts or it comes through our words or it is delivered through our actions. Whether toward a spouse or a sibling or a coworker or the president or any other person, love is never rude but it is always kind and patient and gentle and good and uplifting.

As Ephesians 4:32 reminds us, let’s “be kind and compassionate to one another.”

If rudeness is the weak person’s imitation of strength, choose today to show how truly strong you are by choosing kindness, patience, gentleness, goodness, and encouragement in your actions and reactions. That is love!

“ When people are rude to you, they reveal who they are, not who you are. — UNKNOWN

SYNOPSIS: The ultimate parental dereliction of duty is to allow the children to parent themselves. Your children need a dad and a mom who will give them definite direction in the way they should go. And the promise of scripture is that when they are old, they will not depart from it. That is quite a risky promise, but it is God’s, not mine.

Going Deep // Focus: 1 Samuel 2:12-13, 22

Now the sons of Eli were scoundrels who had no respect for the Lord or for their duties as priests…. Now Eli was very old, but he was aware of what his sons were doing to the people of Israel.

Eli was the high priest of Israel as the period of the Judges was coming to a close. Arguably, there was no higher public role than his. Yet there was a job more important than being the Chief Spiritual Officer of Israel, and that was being a dad to his two sons, Hophni and Phinehas.

Now while these two were grown men and Eli was very old at the time of this story, it is obvious that many years had passed where Eli had been derelict in his parental duties. Hophni and Phinehas were very wicked men, even though they were priests of the Lord like their father.

The story of this family doesn’t give any details of their upbringing, except that as we have already seen, this was a time in Israel’s spiritual journey that God had been moved to the margins and people were doing whatever they thought best. (Judges 22:25) We don’t know what had happened, or what had not happened. We don’t know if Eli had been off shepherding Israel but not shepherding his own home. We don’t know if Eli was simply lazy as a dad, or if he had a pushover personality, or if his sons were just bad apples, or all of the above.

What we do know is that when we get to these early chapters in 1 Samuel, Hophni and Phinehas were abusing their spiritual authority. They were cheating people out of sacrifices that were meant to the Lord, they were seducing women who came to worship, and were using their role to benefit themselves, and they had deeply offended the Lord, who was now ready to end not just their ministry as priests, but their very lives:

Eli said, “You must stop, my sons! The reports I hear among the Lord’s people are not good. If someone sins against another person, God can mediate for the guilty party. But if someone sins against the Lord, who can intercede?” But Eli’s sons wouldn’t listen to their father, for the Lord was already planning to put them to death. (1 Samuel 2:24-35

Now like many parents, Eli had a heartfelt concern for his sons’ wicked behavior. But unfortunately, like many parents, his concern was not matched by action. And his dereliction of duty only allowed their evil to grow worse, until it reached the point where God had determined to slay them. Keep in mind that God didn’t predetermine that these two would be evil—that is not what the writer is telling us when he says, “they wouldn’t listen to their dad, for God was planning to kill them.” What he is saying is that because of their deliberately evil actions, the Lord allowed their hearts to grow beyond repentance. In other words, God had given them what they were determined to have, and now they would harvest the wild oats they had sowed.

Of course, the overarching purpose of this story is to connect the increasingly lawless times of the judges with the arrival of Israel’s monarchy. Interestingly, scripture takes quite a bit of space to do that, using Judges, Ruth, and the early part of 1 Samuel to make sure we know how awful society will get when God is not at the center. The account of Eli and his evil spawn is yet one more story that adds to this indictment.

Yet while that is the general theme, we can still extract some very important life applications from these accounts—including this one. One of those applications for me is the recognition that my highest call and chief mission in life is to honor Christ by being an effective father. Furthermore, the fruit of my mission will be seen in my kid’s and grandkids’ lives as they reach adulthood—it will be reflected in their own reverence for the Lord and the values of godliness they choose to live by. As they follow God of their own accord, that is the greatest tribute to what kind of dad I have been

Now that won’t happen just by virtue of being a parent to your children. It will be the result of intentional parenting and a determination to be the kind of mom or dad that honors God—especially the kind that honors God by insisting that your children give him the respect that is due.

Eli didn’t. He let his boys parent themselves until it was too late. The good news is, you can be different, especially if your children are still young. And if they are not, then start with where you are and exert the godliest influence you can. And with God’s help, your sincere efforts will have an effect.

The ultimate parental dereliction of duty is to allow the children to parent themselves. Your children need a dad and a mom who will give them definite direction in the way they should go. And the promise of scripture is that when they are old, they will not depart from it. That is quite a risky promise, but it is God’s, not mine.

A word-picture expresses a child’s God-given worth in a creative, compelling and unforgettable way, and it often becomes the prophetic momentum for them to actually become that vision. Do that for your child. Paint a picture of their special value and their significant future. Discern God’s thumbprint for their life and prophetically speak that into their spirit and you’ll provide them with a self-renewing blessing. Intentionally give them that blessing now and you will give your child an incredible destiny!

Going Deep // Focus: 1 Chronicles 28:8-10

David said to Solomon, “So now, with God as our witness, and in the sight of all Israel—the Lord’s assembly—I give you this charge. Be careful to obey all the commands of the Lord your God, so that you may continue to possess this good land and leave it to your children as a permanent inheritance. And Solomon, my son, learn to know the God of your ancestors intimately. Worship and serve him with your whole heart and a willing mind. For the Lord sees every heart and knows every plan and thought. If you seek him, you will find him. But if you forsake him, he will reject you forever. So take this seriously. The Lord has chosen you to build a Temple as his sanctuary. Be strong, and do the work.”

Ultimately, your child’s walk with God will be their responsibility. When they are of age, they will choose how close they will be to God, or not. But along the way, as they are growing and developing under your stewardship, being a compelling example of full devotion to God and being unwaveringly intentional about passing your spirituality on to them is the best energy you can spend as a parent.

Unfortunately, too many Christian parents today, although they love their children and have the best of intentions regarding their kids spirituality, leave it up to others to shape their future relationship with God. King David didn’t do that, and neither should you. And what David is doing for Solomon in this chapter, although Solomon is an adult at this point—which also reminds us that if parenting is done well, the job of parent is never done—is envisioning for him a special future.

God has engineered your child with the seeds of success—and as their parent, it is your duty to see and prophetically speak that potential into your child’s spirit. Much of what a child needs to reach their potential is an adult who understands God’s thumbprint for them and helps them understand what that means by picturing it for them. Larry Crabb writes,

A vision we give to others of who and what they could become has power when it echoes what the spirit has already spoken into their souls.

Isn’t that what Father God does for his children? Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you—plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” One of the laws of physics says that water cannot rise above its source. That’s true of our kids. If a parent pictures for a child low value, that child will find if difficult to rise above that image. William Appleton did a study of fathers and their daughters and found that the achievements of these women in adulthood were directly related to how much their fathers communicated value to them. The German poet Goethe said,

Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you help them to be what they are capable of becoming.

One of the ways you can envision a special future is through painting a picture of a life of significance. Notice how David did that in 1 Chronicles 28:10:

The Lord has chosen you to build a Temple as his sanctuary. Be strong, and do the work.

A word-picture expresses a child’s God-given worth in a creative, compelling and unforgettable way, and it often becomes the prophetic momentum for them to actually become that vision.

Do that for your child. Paint a picture of their special value and their significant future. Discern God’s thumbprint for their life and prophetically speak that into their spirit and you’ll provide them with a self-renewing blessing.

Intentionally give them that blessing now and you will give your child an incredible destiny!

“ There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings. —JOHANN WOLFGANG VON GOETHE

SYNOPSIS: When a man or woman of God departs, nothing of God departs—it carries on. When the work of a  godly person is finished, we need to realize that the beginning of another godly man or woman will start—and hopefully carry on in even greater power and with even greater impact because of how their predecessor set them up. Instead of ending, God desires ministries to transition; to enter new phases of development and effectiveness. That’s God’s way, and Christians would do well to learn that truth. Ministers, moms and dads, and leaders of all kinds would do well to adopt the certainty of baton passing as one of their chief aims in life, and when the time comes, to passing that baton well.

Going Deep // Focus: 2 Kings 2:9-14

When they came to the other side, Elijah said to Elisha, “Tell me what I can do for you before I am taken away.” And Elisha replied, “Please let me inherit a double share of your spirit and become your successor.” Elijah replied, “You have asked a difficult thing. If you see me when I am taken from you, then you will get your request. But if not, then you won’t.” As they were walking along and talking, suddenly a chariot of fire appeared, drawn by horses of fire. It drove between the two men, separating them, and Elijah was carried by a whirlwind into heaven. Elisha saw it and cried out, “My father! My father! I see the chariots and charioteers of Israel!” And as they disappeared from sight, Elisha tore his clothes in distress. Elisha picked up Elijah’s cloak, which had fallen when he was taken up. Then Elisha returned to the bank of the Jordan River. He struck the water with Elijah’s cloak and cried out, “Where is the Lord, the God of Elijah?” Then the river divided, and Elisha went across.

As from the beginning of our experience with Elijah in 1 Kings 17, to now at the end of his life, the ministry of this prophet of fire has cast an impressive spiritual shadow over Israel. We have been with him through a variety of dramatic experiences, particularly in 1 Kings 18-19. We have been with him on the heights of Mt. Carmel, both literally and spiritually, to the depths of his despair beneath the broom tree in its aftermath. We have stood with him when he courageously confronted evil King Ahab then fled in fear when the king’s wicked wife, Jezebel, threatened to end his life in the same manner he had ended her false prophets’ lives. We sat with him in the silence of the Cherith Brook and saw the miraculous provision of God as ravens fed him breakfast, lunch and dinner, then felt his despair and disappointment with God when the Almighty dried up the very brook he had given him. We have seen him call down fire from heaven on sacrifices and soldiers, yet we have seen him depend on a widow just to stay alive.

And in every place, under every circumstance, God has proven himself faithful, consistent, and encouraging to Elijah. Now, appropriately, the end of his life and ministry will be just as dramatic as the rest of it was as God will again prove himself faithful to his prophet. Elijah will be taken up to heaven in a blaze of glory, something most prophets and preachers dream of but never experience. That glorious swan song belongs to one, and one alone. Elijah.

Now as we have come to know Elijah, we have also found him to be a bit temperamental. He is testy, he is fearsome most of the time, and he is radically devoted to speaking the word of the Lord to people, prophets, priests and potentates. But what we have never found him to be is warm and fuzzy. Prophets of his cut of cloth never are—and probably they shouldn’t be, given what they are called to carry out.

Yet at the end of his life, we get a glimpse at Elijah’s softer side, spending his final days on earth, knowing the Lord is bringing his chapter to a dramatic close, caring for the school of protégés he is leaving behind. (2 Kings 2:5-9) But not only is the prophet caring for his young men, he is caring for the work that God gave him to do. He wants to pass it on in the best way possible. He wants it to live on, stronger than before. He knows the work of God is not done, not by far, so he sets up his successors in the best way possible.

You see, when a man or woman of God dies or departs, nothing of God dies or departs—it carries on. When the work of a great and godly person is finished, we need to realize that the beginning of another great man or woman will start—and hopefully carry on in even greater power and with even greater impact because of how their predecessor set them up. Instead of ending, God desires ministries to transition; to enter new phases of development and effectiveness. That’s God’s way, and Christians would do well to embrace that truth. Ministers, moms and dads, and leaders of all kinds would do a God-honoring thing to adopt the certainty of baton passing as one of their chief aims in life, and when the time comes, to pass that baton well.

Now what is true in the realm of spiritual leadership is true in the realm of all leadership—parenting, mentoring, business ownership, etc. The truth is, we will all pass the baton someday, and it will likely come sooner than we were expecting. So think through how you will pass it so that those who follow in your shoes can take a double portion of your leadership.

A double portion—now that is a mysterious request Elisha asks of his mentor, Elijah. What was that all about? In reality, Elisha was asking to be the heir of Elijah’s ministry. Literally, that phrase referred to the designation as rightful heir. It is the same phrase that is used in Deuteronomy 27:17 when Moses instructs that a father must “acknowledge the firstborn by giving him a double share of all he has.”

But notice how Elijah responded to the request: “You have asked a difficult thing, yet if you see me when I am taken from you, it will be yours—otherwise not.” What is Elijah saying? In effect, he is saying, “I cannot grant you that, only God can. But if God permits you to see his power and his presence when I am taken, it will be a sign that he has granted your request.”

Obviously, Elijah thought Elisha was special and would make a great successor, but he knew that only God could choose the heir to his ministry. Likewise, when new leaders are chosen to replace a pastor, a chairman of the board, a teacher, or a boss, we need to be careful to allow God to designate that person. While we need to do the best baton pass we can, remember that it is God’s role to chose who takes the role, and it will then be up to that new leader to run worthy of what you have passed on, and worthy of their new calling before God.

Yes, you will pass the baton. The time for that will get here sooner than you can imagine. So start anticipating it now, then do your best when the time comes for whomever takes it from you, the race will be theirs to win or lose.

“ Our chief want in life is somebody who will make us do what we can. —RALPH WALDO EMERSON

Gender is under assault in our culture: manhood is emasculated, femininity ridiculed or clownishly sexualized, and childhood obliterated. Christians need to stand against that demonic doctrine by offering living proof of the Creator’s brilliance in designing us male and female, and by giving our children the path to grow into biblical manhood or womanhood in loving, protecting, nurturing, stable homes where God’s Word is honored.

Going Deep // Focus: 1 Kings 2:1-4

When the time drew near for David to die, he gave a charge to Solomon his son. “I am about to go the way of all the earth. So be strong, act like a man, and observe what the Lord your God requires: Walk in obedience to him, and keep his decrees and commands, his laws and regulations, as written in the Law of Moses. Do this so that you may prosper in all you do and wherever you go and that the Lord may keep his promise to me: ‘If your descendants watch how they live, and if they walk faithfully before me with all their heart and soul, you will never fail to have a successor on the throne of Israel.’”

Most of the commentaries you read on 1 Kings 2:2 skip over the line, “act like a man.” There are likely many reasons for ignoring it, but in the modern era where great energy is expended and demands are made to neutralize gender difference, my guess is one of those reasons is that pastors and theologians want to avoid any hint of political incorrectness.

But if God is unchanging—which I believe, and the Word of God is true—which I believe, and if scripture speaks with relevance, sensitivity, grace and fairness to every age and culture, including ours—which I believe, then what about this line? Did God through King David just tell the king-elect, Solomon, to “man up”? Yes he did! The Apostle Paul said similarly in 1 Corinthians 16:13,

Be alert, stand firm in the faith, act like a man, be strong.

Now if you use a modern thought-for-thought translation of the Bible, like the NIV or the NLT, which I think are wonderful options for reading God’s Word, they leave out the phrase, “act like a man.” As an aside, that is why it is not a bad idea when you study a passage to compare translations, like the ESV or the HCSB, which are excellent word-for-word translations (see https://www.biblegateway.com as an excellent online option for side-by-side Bible translations). But the point I want to make is that in the Greek text, the word for man is there—it is andridzomahee, which most definitely refers to masculinity.

So does the Bible recognize gender differences? Yes—God made us male and female, and we are to celebrate God’s design. No matter what a our crazy culture insists on today (believe me, it will be different tomorrow, and worse!), God’s Word is unchanging, perfect in all its way, and will lead us to “prosper in all you do and wherever you go,” as David said to Solomon. God has built in to humanity differences that are existential. If you don’t believe me, just hang out with me while my little grandsons are at my home. Boys are very different, intrinsically, from the little girls my wife and I brought into this world.

But does the Bible promote male superiority? Not a chance. You will never find that in scripture, including here, and if you do, you are fundamentally misreading God’s Word—and that misreading is a grievous error. It just so happens that in the two instances I’ve quoted where men are told to “act like a man,” the conversations happen to be with men. If the speakers were talking to women, they would say, “now act like a woman.” Similarly in scripture, sometimes people that are being childish are called out for “acting like a child” or “acting like an infant.” Nothing more is meant to be read into the author’s words. Simply put, men are called to biblical manliness in the sense that they are to courageously and confidently pursue the mission that God has assigned them. That is what it means to “man up.”

So what were David and Paul saying to the male listeners standing before them at that moment? Simply this: the walk of faith to which you are called is not for the feint of heart, so be courageous; put on your big boy pants and do the right thing. If you do, God will bless you. If you don’t, you are going to get run over. If you won’t, then get out of the way.

We are at a time in our culture where maleness is being emasculated, femininity is either put down or clownishly sexualized and childhood is being obliterated. As Christians, we need to stand against that demonic doctrine by offering living proof of the Creator’s brilliance in designing us male and female and then giving us the path to grow into biblical manhood or womanhood through the process of childhood in loving, protecting, nurturing homes that honor God’s Word. We will be going against the grain if we live out this orthodoxy, but it will be the only way to save our kids and our culture. And it will take from us, male and female, what both David and Paul called forth:

Now man up!

Yes, man up, and put mature courage on display before a watching world!

Having difficult conversations is a skill that parents must develop if they are to do a great job of bringing up their children to be well-adjusted, responsible adults. To balance words of rebuke and admonishment with words of encouragement and direction is one of the most difficult things to master, but it can and must be done. To a large degree, the future of the child depends on how skillfully the parent speaks the truth in love.

Going Deep // Focus: 2 Samuel 14:28

Absalom lived two years in Jerusalem without seeing the king’s face.

It is easy to put figures from history on the couch and analyze all their problems. When we do, however, we never have all the facts and nuances that went into why they did what they did, and playing armchair psychologist with their lives will lead us to a pretty dismal cure rate. As Henry Louis Menchen said,

Explanations exist; they have existed for all time; there is always a well-known solution to every human problem—neat, plausible, and wrong.

Having said that, let me take a shot at analyzing David’s parenting technique of isolating his misbehaving son, Absalom, which from our vantage point now looking back several thousand years was horrible. Absalom was King David’s favorite, his pet. The young man was handsome and winsome, and people loved him. His attraction quotient was off the charts. He was also as devious, sneaky, and self-serving as the day is long. When his half-brother Amnon forced himself sexually on Abalsom’s sister, Tamar, Absalom was furious—understandably. And when their father seemed to turn a blind eye to what Amnon had done, Absalom fumed, and secretly plotted.

When the time came, under the guise of a family celebration, through an intricately planned trap, Absalom murdered Amnon and avenged his sister’s rape. Absalom then fled Israel and lived in exile for a couple of years under the protection of a friendly king. In the meantime, again turning a blind eye to what his son had done, David pined for his favorite child. Ultimately, through some skillful mediation, Absalom was allowed to return home to Israel.

But his ongoing punishment was the silent treatment from David. The king refused to speak to his son for two years. In fact, Absalom couldn’t even be in King David’s presence. And it was during this time that Absalom, now seething from his father’s silence, began to secretly foment the rebellion that would lead him to usurp his father’s throne. It would be a rebellion that would divide Israel, lead to the deaths of thousands of soldiers, and ultimately lead to Absalom’s own death and David’s deep and abiding grief.

Now for the analysis: In hindsight, banishing the young man from king’s presence was probably the worst thing the dad could have done for the son. Punishment yes, but silence no. In this case, the judgment was not redemptive; this was not discipline—a form of discipleship that has the goal of restoring the one being punished to a better place. This was done out of anger, frustration and embarrassment.

How much better would it have been for king David to bring Absalom close to himself and help the self-absorbed young man learn about selflessness and serving from the man who truly understood what it meant to shepherd his people? Rather, David’s silent treatment allowed what had already been festering in Absalom to now grow even more rapidly. If Absalom was narcissistic before, he was now a narcissist on steroids.

Having difficult conversations is a skill that must be developed by parents if they are to do a great job of bringing up their children to be well-adjusted, responsible adults. To balance words of rebuke and admonishment with words of encouragement and direction is one of the most difficult things to master, but it can and must be done. As the Apostle Paul wrote in Ephesians 4:15-16,

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

A key piece of a parent’s own maturing process is to courageously and confidently speak the truth in love to their children. As Paul said, this is the only way for our family—our children—to build itself up in love.

If you are a parent, or a mentor to a young person, I plead with you: learn how to get this one right. To a large degree, the future of your charge depends on how skillfully you speak the truth in love.

“ This is what is hardest: to close the open hand because one loves. —FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE