Tag Archives: Mind your own business

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Unsolicited Advice

Proceed With Caution

SYNOPSIS: When it comes to dispensing advice, proceed with caution. Don’t rush to “counsel” people when you haven’t been invited into their lives. The truth is, some people are neither ready to receive your input. Your recommendations, even though well-intentioned, will fall on deaf ears, or worse yet, be seen as intrusive. If you’re one of those who just can’t seem to keep your opinion to yourself, Hannah Whitehall Smith offers this wise counsel: “The true secret of giving advice is, after you have honestly given it, to be perfectly indifferent whether it is taken or not, and never persist in trying to set people right.”

Unsolicited Advice

Moments With God // Proverbs 9:7-8

Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse. Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you.

Some people in this world have an irresistible urge to give unsolicited advice. Sometimes the advice is good and helpful to the person on the receiving end of it, but it usually falls into the it’s-none-of-your-business category. If you are one of those who just can’t seem to keep your opinion to yourself, Solomon has some great advice here in Proverbs 9,

“If you reason with an arrogant cynic, you’ll get slapped in the face; confront bad behavior and get a kick in the shins. So don’t waste your time on a scoffer; all you’ll get for your pains is abuse. But if you correct those who care about life, that’s different—they’ll love you for it!

Save your breath for the wise—they’ll be wiser for it; tell good people what you know—they’ll profit from it. (Proverbs 9:7-9, The Message)

In other words, when it comes to dispensing advice, proceed with caution. Don’t rush to counsel or admonish people when you haven’t been invited into their lives. The truth is, there are some people who are neither ready to receive your input nor willing to follow your suggestions. Your recommendations and challenges to them, even though well-intentioned, will fall on deaf ears, or worse yet, be seen as intrusive.

The counsel my father often gave to me paralleled Solomon’s was, “Son, don’t go sticking your nose into others people’s business.” That turned out to be pretty good advice. When I’ve heeded that advice, I’ve never regretted it. When I’ve ignored it and pushed my way into business that was not my own, I’ve regretted it as a foolish and unnecessarily painful act.

So what is Solomon proposing? That we just sit back and let people mess up their lives without saying a word? Doesn’t love demand that we sometimes confront, even when we know it won’t be well-received? What is God’s wisdom for us in this matter?

The Bible does teach us that we need to be ready to speak truth into the lives of people God has caused to cross our paths. We have been called to encourage, exhort, challenge, admonish, rebuke, instruct and hold people accountable for their actions. That is the assignment we are sometimes given, and if we want to have the best shot at speaking difficult truth to those who need to hear what we have to say, consider the following checklist for difficult conversations:

  • Know your target
  • Be careful with your timing
  • Pay attention to your limits
  • Check your own motives
  • Speak out of authentic love

If any one of those indicator lights is blinking red, pull up! If it’s all systems go, then bring your advice in for landing. And one more thing: good luck!

Take A Moment: Think back to a time when someone spoke a difficult and necessary word into your life. Take a moment to write them a note of thanks—it was probably pretty hard on them, too.

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Mind Your Own Business

Reflect:
John 20:1-21:25

“Jesus replied, ‘If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? As for you, follow me.’” (John 21:22, NLT)

Mind your own business! That’s the gist of what Jesus was saying to Peter.

Jesus had been drilling down to some issues that needed to be resolved in this rough fisherman-turned disciple. It was a difficult conversation that needed to happen before Peter could become the apostle Jesus had in mind, and Peter did what so many of us do: When the spotlight got focused on him a little too brightly, he tried to shed some light on John’s flaws.

Jesus kept the focus right where it needed to be: “Peter, quit worrying about what will happen to John and just focus on what I’ve called you to do. If I allow him to stay alive until I return, that is none of your business. You’ve got enough to worry about just taking care of your own junk let alone John’s. Just take care of you and you’ll be fine!”

Not bad advice! Wouldn’t we save ourselves a whole lot of wasted energy by just minding our own spiritual business? I know that’s true for me. The time and emotional drain I spend worrying whether someone else is walking with Jesus the way I think they should takes away from the spiritual energy that could be focused on growing me up in Christ.

Now that is not to say that we should never express loving concern for another believer’s spiritual progress. Sometimes the people we care deeply about frankly need to step it up in their growth as a disciple of Jesus—and we need to call them out on that. However, since spiritual formation is an ongoing process that will not conclude until the day we die and reach heaven, you and I need to remember that we, too, need to step it up!

So the next time you have an urge to voice a “concern” about what another sister has said or how another brother is living or what another local shepherd is doing or the kind of theology a prominent Tele-evangelist is espousing, just remember what Jesus said to Peter: “What is that to you? Just worry about you and make sure you are following me!”

You see, those people you are worried about will have to answer to God for their lives one day, but so will you. And since it is highly unlikely that you will be able to change them one bit by all the energy you spend worrying about their spiritual condition anyway, try devoting that same energy to your own obedience. Besides, if you really want to see them change, the better focus of your efforts would be to pray for them. Spend at least as much time bringing them before the Father in prayer as you do thinking and talking about how upsetting they are to you.

Do that and change will happen all right—but it will be you that changes! So mind our own business today—it is not such a bad thing to do!

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” ~Carl Gustav Jung

Reflect and Apply: Offer this prayer today: “Lord, there is so much work yet to do in me, so keep me focused on my own spiritual development. Help me to mind my own business, working on the things that I can change and leaving the things I can’t change up to you.”

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What Is That To You?

5×5×5 Bible Plan

Read: John 21
Meditation: John 21:22

“Jesus said to Peter, ‘If I will that he remain till I come, what is that to you? You follow Me.’”

Shift Your Focus… Jesus had been addressing Peter, drilling down to some issues that needed to be resolved in this rough fisherman-turned disciple. This was a difficult conversation that needed to happen before Peter could become the apostle Jesus had in mind.

And Peter did what so many of us do: When the spotlight got focused on him a little too brightly, he tried to shed some light on John’s junk. But Jesus kept the focus right where it needed to be: “Peter, quit worrying about what will happen to John and just focus on what I’ve called you to do. If I allow him be alive until I return, that is none of your business. You’ve got enough to worry about just taking care of your own junk let alone John’s. Just take care of you and you’ll be fine!”

Not bad advice! I would save myself a whole lot of wasted energy by just minding my own spiritual business. The time and emotional drain I spend worrying whether someone else is walking with Jesus the way I think they should takes away from the spiritual energy that could be focused on growing me up in Christ.

That is not to say that I shouldn’t express loving concern for another’s progress as a believer. There are appropriately levels of attention that I must bring to bear in challenging them to step it up in their spiritual formation. But I’ll be honest, my challenge is not reaching those appropriate levels, it is exceeding them.

I have a feeling that may be true of you as well. It is a fairly regular occurrence for me as a pastor to have believers come with “concerns” about what another sister has said or how another brother is living or what another local shepherd is doing or the kind of theology a prominent Tele-evangelist is espousing. “Did you know ‘so-and-so’ didn’t even quote Scripture on his last television show?”

My typical response to those concerns: What is that to you? You just worry about you and make sure you are following Jesus!”

You see, those other people will have to answer to God for their lives one day, but so will you. It is very likely that you will not be able to change them one bit by all the energy you spend worrying about their spiritual condition. All you can work on is your own obedience. Beside, if you really want to see them change, the better focus of your energy would be to pray for them. Spend at least as much time bringing them before the Father in prayer as you do thinking and talking about how upsetting they are to you.

Do that and change will happen…but it will be you that changes! So mind our own business today—it is not such a bad thing to do!

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”  ~Carl Gustav Jung

Prayer… Lord, there is so much work yet to do in me, so keep me focused on my own spiritual development.  Help me to mind my own business, working on the things that I can change and leaving the rest up to you.

Posted on

Mind Your Own Business

Essential 100—Read:
John 20:1-21:25

“Jesus replied, ‘If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? As for you, follow me.’” (John 21:22, NLT)

Mind your own business!  That’s the gist of what Jesus was saying to Peter.

Jesus had been drilling down to some issues that needed to be resolved in this rough fisherman-turned disciple. It was a difficult conversation that needed to happen before Peter could become the apostle Jesus had in mind, and Peter did what so many of us do: When the spotlight got focused on him a little too brightly, he tried to shed some light on John’s flaws.

Jesus kept the focus right where it needed to be: “Peter, quit worrying about what will happen to John and just focus on what I’ve called you to do. If I allow him to stay alive until I return, that is none of your business. You’ve got enough to worry about just taking care of your own junk let alone John’s. Just take care of you and you’ll be fine!”

Not bad advice! Wouldn’t we save ourselves a whole lot of wasted energy by just minding our own spiritual business? I know that’s true for me.  The time and emotional drain I spend worrying whether someone else is walking with Jesus the way I think they should takes away from the spiritual energy that could be focused on growing me up in Christ.

Now that is not to say that we should never express loving concern for another believer’s spiritual progress. Sometimes the people we care deeply about frankly need to step it up in their growth as a disciple of Jesus—and we need to call them out on that. However, since spiritual formation is an ongoing process that will not conclude until the day we die and reach heaven, you and I need to remember that we, too, need to step it up!

So the next time you have an urge to voice a “concern” about what another sister has said or how another brother is living or what another local shepherd is doing or the kind of theology a prominent Tele-evangelist is espousing, just remember what Jesus said to Peter: “What is that to you? Just worry about you and make sure you are following me!”

You see, those people you are worried about will have to answer to God for their lives one day, but so will you. And since it is highly unlikely that you will be able to change them one bit by all the energy you spend worrying about their spiritual condition anyway, try devoting that same energy to your own obedience. Besides, if you really want to see them change, the better focus of your efforts would be to pray for them. Spend at least as much time bringing them before the Father in prayer as you do thinking and talking about how upsetting they are to you.

Do that and change will happen all right—but it will be you that changes! So mind our own business today—it is not such a bad thing to do!

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”  ~Carl Gustav Jung

Reflect and Apply: Offer this prayer today:  “Lord, there is so much work yet to do in me, so keep me focused on my own spiritual development.  Help me to mind my own business, working on the things that I can change and leaving the things I can’t change up to you.”  

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Who Asked You?

Read: Proverbs 9

“Whoever corrects a mocker invites insult; whoever rebukes a wicked man incurs abuse. Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you.” (Proverbs 9:7-8)

Some people in this world have an irresistible urge to give unsolicited advice.  Sometimes the advice is good and helpful to the person on the receiving end of it, but usually it falls into the it’s-none-of-you-business category.  If you are one of those who just can’t seem to keep your opinion to yourself, Solomon has some great advice here in Proverbs 9,

“If you reason with an arrogant cynic, you’ll get slapped in the face; confront bad behavior and get a kick in the shins. So don’t waste your time on a scoffer; all you’ll get for your pains is abuse. But if you correct those who care about life, that’s different—they’ll love you for it! Save your breath for the wise—they’ll be wiser for it; tell good people what you know—they’ll profit from it.” (Proverbs 9:7-9, The Message)

In other words, when it comes to dispensing advice, proceed with caution. Don’t rush to counsel or admonish people when you haven’t been invited into their lives. The truth is, there are some people who are neither ready to receive your input nor willing to follow your suggestions.  Your recommendations and challenges to them, even though well intentioned, will fall on deaf ears, or worse, be seen as intrusive.

The counsel my father often gave to me paralleled Solomon’s, “Son, don’t go sticking your nose into others people’s business.”  That turned out to be pretty good advice.  When I’ve heeded that bit of wisdom, I’ve never regretted it.  When I’ve ignored it and pushed my way into business that was not my own, I’ve regretted it as a foolish and unnecessarily painful act.

So what is Solomon proposing—that we just sit back and let people mess up their lives without saying a word? Doesn’t love demand that we sometimes confront, even when we know it won’t be well received?  What is God’s wisdom for us in this matter?

The Bible does teach us that we need to be ready to speak truth into the lives of people God has caused to cross our paths. We have been called to encourage, exhort, challenge, admonish, rebuke, instruct and hold people accountable for their actions.  That is the assignment we are sometimes given, and if we want to have the best shot at speaking difficult truth to those who need to hear what we have to say, consider the following checklist for difficult conversations:

  • Know your target
  • Be careful with your timing
  • Pay attention to your limits
  • Check your own motives
  • Speak out of authentic love

If any one of those indicator lights is blinking red, pull up!  If it’s all systems go, then bring that difficult conversation in for—hopefully—a smooth landing.  One more thing:  Good luck!

“The true secret of giving advice is, after you have honestly given it, to be perfectly indifferent whether it is taken or not, and never persist in trying to set people right.”  ~Hannah Whitall Smith

Winning At Life:

Think back to a time when someone spoke a difficult and necessary word into your life. Take a moment to write them a note of thanks—it was probably pretty hard on them, too.

Posted on

Mind Your Own Business

Read: John 21

Jesus replied, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? As for you, follow me.” (John 21:22, NLT)

Mind your own business!  That’s the gist of what Jesus was saying to Peter.

Jesus had been drilling down to some issues that needed to be resolved in this rough fisherman-turned disciple. It was a difficult conversation that needed to happen before Peter could become the apostle Jesus had in mind, and Peter did what so many of us do: When the spotlight got focused on him a little too brightly, he tried to shed some light on John’s flaws.

Jesus kept the focus right where it needed to be: “Peter, quit worrying about what will happen to John and just focus on what I’ve called you to do. If I allow him stay alive until I return, that is none of your business. You’ve got enough to worry about just taking care of your own junk let alone John’s. Just take care of you and you’ll be fine!”

Not bad advice! Wouldn’t we save ourselves a whole lot of wasted energy by just minding our own spiritual business? I know that’s true for me.  The time and emotional drain I spend worrying whether someone else is walking with Jesus the way I think they should takes away from the spiritual energy that could be focused on growing me up in Christ.

Now that is not to say that we should never express loving concern for another believer’s spiritual progress. Sometimes the people we care deeply about frankly need to step it up in their growth as a disciple of Jesus—and we need to call them out on that. However, since spiritual formation is an ongoing process that will not conclude until the day we die and reach heaven, you and I need to remember that we, too, need to step it up!

So the next time you have an urge to voice a “concern” about what another sister has said or how another brother is living or what another local shepherd is doing or the kind of theology a prominent Tele-evangelist is espousing, just remember what Jesus said to Peter: “What is that to you? Just worry about you and make sure you are following me!”

You see, those people you are worried about will have to answer to God for their lives one day, but so will you. And since it is highly unlikely that you will be able to change them one bit by all the energy you spend worrying about their spiritual condition anyway, try devoting that same energy to your own obedience. Besides, if you really want to see them change, the better focus of your efforts would be to pray for them. Spend at least as much time bringing them before the Father in prayer as you do thinking and talking about how upsetting they are to you.

Do that and change will happen all right—but it will be you that changes! So mind our own business today—it is not such a bad thing to do!

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” ~Carl Gustav Jung

What If God Took Over?

Offer this prayer today:  “Lord, there is so much work yet to do in me, so keep me focused on my own spiritual development.  Help me to mind my own business, working on the things that I can change and leaving the things I can’t change up to you.”