Category Archives: Love Is

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Love Rejoices When Truth Wins

Be A Truth Seeker, A Truth Speaker and Truth Lover

SYNOPSIS: Knowing and loving the truth may be the most difficult aspect of agape love to figure out in today’s American culture where the virtue of truth has been replaced with relativism. Propositional truth — something is either a) true or b) false — is rapidly being replaced by a version of an ever-changing truth that is based on an emotion of the moment, a current ideology, or a preferred perspective. From the top to the bottom of our leading institutions — government, media, business, and academia — as James” Russell Lowell presciently warned, “Truth forever on the scaffold, Wrong forever on the throne.” But as God-lovers, we must be truth-finders, truth-speakers, and truth-lovers! If we don’t pursue truth, as difficult, fatiguing, and confusing as that may be these days, we will know neither agape love nor be a conduit of it.

New Article: Love Rejoices With The Truth

Making Love Work // 1 Corinthians 13:6

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

Have you heard someone talk about “their truth” or say, “Well, that’s true for you but not for me”? There is a rare New Testament Greek word to describe that: BALONEY!

God defines truth, and He loves it. So should we. Here’s the Living Bible’s paraphrase of 1 Corinthians 13:6, “Love rejoices whenever truth wins out.”

This may be the most difficult aspect of agape love to figure out in today’s American culture where the virtue of truth has been replaced with relativism. Propositional truth — something is either a) true or b) false — is rapidly being replaced by a version of truth that is based on an emotion of the moment, or a current ideology, or a preferred perspective. From the top to the bottom of our leading institutions — government, media, business, and academia — as James” Russell Lowell presciently warned, “Truth forever on the scaffold, Wrong forever on the throne.”

But blurring the lines of truth hasn’t stopped at the doors of our institutions, it’s commonplace in our homes as well. Recent studies estimate that 60% of adults will lie on average three times within a ten-minute conversation. (https://brandongaille.com/24-nose-growing-statistics-on-lying/) Now there’s a great example we’re setting for our kids, wouldn’t you say!

Philosopher Blaise Pascal wrote, “Truth is so obscure in these times, and falsehood so established, that, unless we love the truth, we cannot know it.” As believers, for agape love to flourish in and flow from our lives, we must search out the truth in all things, as difficult as it is to find, and rejoice when it triumphs over that which is false.

A God-lover must be a truth-finder, a truth-speaker, and truth-lover! If we don’t pursue truth, as difficult, fatiguing, and confusing as that may be these days, we will not know agape love nor be a conduit of it.

God help us to find, know, speak, and love the truth!

Take A Moment: Antoine de Saint-Exupery said, “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” Since we live in a world ruled by the god of this age, Satan, who is the master of deception, we would do well to question the veracity of most of what we say and told. That is not to suggest that we belligerently challenge everybody we meet to a truth duel, but we must pray for a loving but discerning heart. We must ask for the Spirit of truth to reside in our hearts. We must bathe our hearts in God’s truth. Moreover, we must become so familiar with the truth that the false is easily discernable. A good place to start is with a simple prayer for the Triune God of truth to fill your heart with his truth.

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Love Is Never Glad About Injustice

Injustice Anywhere is a Threat to Justice Everywhere

SYNOPSIS: Let’s long for the day when God metes out retributive justice, but at a much greater ratio, let’s put love into action by conduiting his reparative justice to those who have unjustly suffered at the hands of bad people and evil systems. Perhaps the most enlightening yet challenging insight on the blend of this two-sided justice coin comes from Micah 6:8: “God has shown you what is good and what He requires of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” Do you want to be a conduit of agape love in your world? Then embody justice in your actions, but make sure the scales are tipped in favor of mercy, and for sure, stay humble before the God who can rightly meet out His justice upon you but instead put it upon Jesus in your place.

New Article: Love is never glad about injustice

Making Love Work // 1 Corinthians 13:6

It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.

God’s love flowing through us—agape love—is deliriously happy when His justice rules the day. Of course, “justice” has become a political flashpoint these days—just mention social justice to your friends, and depending on their political orientation, especially in extremis, they’ll either air-kiss in the vicinity of both your cheeks or ghost you like a weird uncle.

Don’t forget, however, that God is a just God, and he expects us to love justice as well—both theologically AND practically.

What does justice look like? Theologian Herman Bavinck says God’s justice doesn’t just punish evildoers (boy we love that one!), but it repairs those who are victims of injustice (give that some thought!). Furthermore, Bavnick notes, “God’s [reparative] justice is far more prominent in Scripture than his retributive justice.”

Yes, let’s long for the day when God metes out retributive justice, but at a much greater ratio, let’s put love into action by conduiting his reparative justice to those who have unjustly suffered at the hands of bad people and evil systems.

Perhaps the most enlightening yet challenging insight on the blend of this two-sided justice coin comes from Micah 6:8: “God has shown you what is good and what He requires of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.”

Do you want to be a conduit of agape love in your world? Then embody justice in your actions, but make sure the scales are tipped in favor of mercy, and for sure, stay humble before the God who can rightly meet out His justice upon you but instead put it upon Jesus in your place.

To then embody God’s justice in your actions, make sure the scales are tipped in favor of mercy.

Take A Moment: Benjamin Franklin noted, “Justice will not be served until those who are unaffected are as outraged as those who are.” Out of a loving heart, consider who in your personal world has been the victim of an injustice, and while you may not be able to right their wrong, do what is within your power to offer them comfort and friendship. That act of love may be the most life-giving expression they will ever receive.

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Get Good At Letting Go Of Offenses

True Love Never Keeps Score

SYNOPSIS: If an altogether holy God, who cannot tolerate sin in His glorious presence, can forget our sins, then certainly we flawed human beings can forget the sins of our fellow sinners. In fact, if we want to be a conduit of God’s love on earth, we have to get really good at forgetting, as God does. Now, can an omniscient God truly forget our sins? No, but what He can do is choose not to remember them. And He does! How does He do that? He creates an unbridgeable chasm between us and our sins, according to Psalm 103:12. So, if God does that for us, then we cannot continue to be record keepers with those who are in our lives—we must become good forgetters.

Love Keeps No Record

Make Love Work // 1 Corinthians 13:5 (LB)

Love does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong.

Are you a record keeper? Do you tend to hang onto past offenses, slights, and oversights? Are you one to nurse a grudge? Stop and think about how harmful that is—and not just to the one who has offended you, but to you. Unforgiveness is toxic. As someone has humorously but accurately put it, not forgiving another is like drinking rat poison … then waiting for the rat to die. Christ-followers are to be good forgetters. You see, true love learns to let offenses slip away like water off a duck’s back.

If an altogether holy God, who cannot tolerate sin in His glorious presence, can forget our sins, then certainly we flawed human beings can forget the sins of our fellow sinners. In fact, if we want to be a conduit of God’s love on earth, we have to get really good at forgetting, as God does. Now, can an omniscient God truly forget our sins? Of course not, but what He can do is choose not to remember them.

How does God do that? He creates an unbridgeable chasm between us and our sins, according to Psalm 103:12,

As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.

Now if God does that for us, then we cannot continue to be record keepers with those who are in our lives—we must get good at letting go of those offenses, slights, and oversights. And one of the most helpful and motivating things we can do to achieve this impossible task is to think early and often about God’s forgetfulness when it comes to the sins for which we have repented. Slowly, meditatively, and gratefully read through these verses on God’s forgetfulness.

  • I will be merciful to them in their wrongdoings, and I will remember their sins no more.” Hebrews 8:12
  • I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins Isaiah 43:25
  • I will remember their sins and their lawless deeds no more. Hebrews 10:17
  • If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9
  • And no longer shall each one teach his neighbor and each his brother, saying, ‘Know the Lord,’ for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, declares the Lord. For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more. Jeremiah 31:34
  • Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool. Isaiah 1:18
  • Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out. Acts 3:19
  • Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32
  • Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Corinthians 5:17
  • There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1
  • He will again have compassion on us; he will tread our iniquities underfoot. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea. Micah 7:19

That last verse from Micah led to the Jewish tradition that thought of God as casting our sins into “the sea of forgetfulness.” While there is no mention of that in the Bible, it certainly is an appropriate and beautiful image of what God does for us. And that would be an appropriate and beautiful image of how we should treat the offenses of those who have sinned against us.

So, in light of that, if you are one to hold onto offenses, then stop. It is not the way of Christ! And for sure, it is impossible to be the source of God’s love to people while holding past offenses against them.

Remember, love keeps no record of wrongs!

Take A Moment: Your assignment today is to release those who have offended you and choose not to remember their sin from here on out. If you still struggle to do that after reading the verses above, then reflect on one more: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” (Matt 6:14-15)

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True Love Never Gets Irritated!

If It Irritates You In Others, God Wants To Change It In You

Synopsis: How do you turn the emotion of love into the motion of love for someone who’s getting under your skin? How can you act lovingly toward a chronic irritant? One of the most powerful motivations for loving that person who is not too loveable at the moment is to realize that what irritates you about them is truly the pathway for you to discover what God desires to change in you. Whoever is irritating you today, leverage that irritation for personal growth. The famous Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung was right, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” For that reason, thank God for the growth opportunity He is providing you through that irritating friend!

New Article: True Love Never Gets Irritated

Make Love Work // 1 Corinthians 13:5 (TLB)

Love is not irritable or touchy.

Irritable people … you have them in your life; I do, too! Yet true love, God’s love flowing through us, is never irritable; instead, it is always patient and kind…and grateful! So how do you turn the emotion of love you feel for the one who is getting under your skin into the motion of love … how can you act lovingly toward them?

One of the most powerful motivations for loving that unlovely person is to realize that what irritates you about others is truly the pathway for you to discover what God desires to change in you. Whoever or whatever is irritating you today, leverage it for change and growth in yourself…and thank God for the opportunity! As CarlJung noted,

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.

Who is irritating you today? Take a moment to think about what Nancy Pearcey writes, “In today’s grievance culture, it seems that some new group is always coming forward to complain that they are offended. It can be easy for Christians to pick up the same victim language. But our motivation for speaking out should not be only that we are offended. After all, we are called to share in the offense of the Cross. We are called to love the offender. Christians will be effective in reaching out to others only when they reflect biblical truth in their message, their method, and their manners.”

So today, remember that the one who is irritating you so much is likely the very person God has chosen to perfect His will in you. Since that is true, consider that they are truly a gift from God to you!

Take A Moment: Stop immediately and give thanks to God for the people who are irritating you! They are God’s gift to motivate you to address what He wants to change in you.

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Are There Limits To Unselfish Love?

Love Is Not Selfish—Some Clarifying Thoughts

SYNOPSIS: If a relationship goes off the rails, when is it time to, in Christ’s famous words, shake the dust off your feet and move on or to keep offering patient, unselfish, sacrificial love? The key to understanding which is appropriate is the biblical context for either option. The shake-the-dust context was hostile unbelievers and the love-is-not-selfish context was relationships in the body of Christ. Big difference! And in each context, back then and right now, God expects us to exhibit a merciful heart. Mercy, which is simply loving-kindness flowing in our thoughts, words, and actions, triumphs over judgment as we respond to both insolent unbelievers — even when divine judgment is forthcoming — as well as believers who irritate us — even when divine discipline is forthcoming. In the case of the latter, keep in mind that irritation is not the same as a moral offense — and it is wisdom to discern the difference —  so keep the default set to unselfish love.

Make Love Work // 1 Corinthians 13:5 (NLT)

Love does not demand its own way.

Last week, after my Love Is Not Selfish post where I appealed to believers to reject the cancel culture/ghosting a friend secular mentality that has invaded the American Church, a friend wrote to me with a great question: “What about washing the dust from your feet and declaring them — evil people — a lost cause, as Paul wrote in the New Testament?”

So let me clarify my thoughts. As always, context is king. In 1 Corinthians, Paul is generally speaking to issues and abuses among brothers and sisters in the Corinthian church, and there were a bunch!

Specifically, in chapter 13, Paul is talking about propriety in worship: how the believers are to carry out loving relationships within that church and how they are to offer their everyday lives as an offering to God (which, broadly, is what worship truly is, see Romans 12:1-2) as well as how they are to lift their praise in songs and through spiritual gifts during corporate gatherings (which is worship narrowly defined). In the case of worship, both broadly and narrowly defined, they are to treat each other with the deferential, edifying love Paul describes in chapter 13, which he defines in verses 4-8a,

Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.…love goes on forever.

From this context, we then can apply that deferential love to general Christian brother and sister relationships, as I am doing in these “Love Is” blog posts. When a relationship in that context goes off the rails because of indisputable moral grievances (and not just things that rub our preferences the wrong way), in Matthew 18:15-20 Jesus gave us a process for taking the conflict to church leaders for resolution.

According to Jesus, to resolve a conflict with a God-honoring outcome, the most foundational and critical principle that must be followed comes from His opening words: “If a brother sins against you.” The operative word is “if.” That is, the offended party must assess whether the offense was truly a sin, or if it was simply an act that irritated or violated their personal preferences.

In my experience facilitating conflict resolution, much of what people find offensive never rises to the level of a sin that needs to be confronted. In these cases, the offended party was, in reality, the culprit, and simply needed to grow thicker skin, develop greater tolerance, and/or learn to more effectively communicate their upset with the offender with grace and love.

Jesus also provided another essential to conflict resolution: once it has been determined that the offense was indeed the result of a sin, the issue is to first be addressed privately, just between the two parties. Too many people are quick to jump past this hoop and go right to group involvement. If you have not first addressed your hurt with the offender, do not take it to others and try to get them on your side. God will not honor that kind of action, and it will not produce what God desires most within His family: reconciliation in broken relationships.

However, Jesus does provide a clause by which others should be drawn into the dispute if the sinning party won’t listen to you. That is when others may need to be brought in to mediate and reconcile the offense. These participants should be godly and objective representatives of Christ’s church (not necessarily church officials, but simply mature, respectable Christians, although church leaders do, or should, carry the weight of final authority in disputes). And here is something very important that believers must recognize: Christ himself has placed His mantle of authority on this group to settle the dispute and if need be, administer discipline to an unrepentant brother or sister—discipline that will stand up even in the courts of heaven: What you bind on earth is bound in heaven; what you release on earth is released in heaven. (Matthew 18:18)

A final essential piece to conflict resolution is that the desired outcome is restoration. Jesus said, “If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.” Unfortunately, some people believe that getting what they want is the goal. It is not. Resolving the dispute, forgiving the offense, restoring the relationship, and preserving the harmony of the church is the outcome most honoring to God.

You can read more on Jesus’ approach to conflict resolution in a blog I wrote.

Now about “Shake the dust off your feet.” This is an altogether different context, which has to do with proclaiming the gospel and calling for repentance to a resistant, if not hostile, group of unbelieving people. Only when you have exhausted your gospel appeal can you then proclaim God’s judgment and walk away. Yet even then we must remember how Jesus modeled the proclamation of impending judgment to an unbelieving city: He wept over Jerusalem when she had rejected him? “O Jerusalem, how I would gather you as a hen gathers her brood under her wings … but now your city will be left desolate.” (Matt 23:37) There was no glee as Jesus announced judgment; rather, love is still pouring forth from His broken heart.

So, the context of both “love is not selfish” and “shake the dust off your feet” is the key to balancing when to nurture a loving relationship with someone who has offended you and when to proclaim loving judgment upon a hostile unbeliever. Mercy, which is nothing more than loving-kindness flowing from our hearts, triumphs over judgment as we respond to both wayward believers— even though loving discipline is on the way, as well as wicked unbelievers — even though God’s righteous judgment is on the way.

Take A Moment: Check out my post Merciful Judgment for a deeper look at this idea of merciful judgment.

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Unselfish Love Is True Love

Loving People Don't Demand Their Own Way

SYNOPSIS: We live in an age of outrage. The grievance industry is alive and well. Say the wrong thing and you’ll get canceled. And if you think that’s outside the church, think again! Over the past few weeks, I’ve interviewed dozens of pastors from around the country who’ve told of too many heartbreaking stories of church members who’ve been ghosted, canceled, and met with hostility by other “believing” family members and church friends these past two years over politics, pandemic protocols, and cultural concerns. And all of them, like me, have personally experienced the same. What selfishness! Friends, this ought not to be in Christ’s family! Love—agape love—doesn’t ghost a friend or cancel a family member or express outrage when people don’t believe like you, vote like you, or please you. Love does not demand its own way.

Love is not selfish

Make Love Work // 1 Corinthians 13:5 (NLT)

Love does not demand its own way.

Love is not selfish. You would agree, right?

But think of the selfish nature of our current culture, not only outside but inside the church, which is supposed to be the family of God, characterized by followers of Jesus loving each other no matter what, being loyal to each other no matter what, expecting the best of each other, no matter what, standing their ground in defending each other, no matter what.

“Ghosting” a friend. Cancel culture. The age of outrage. If you think that’s outside the church, think again! Over the past few weeks, I’ve interviewed two dozen pastors from around the country who’ve told of too many heartbreaking stories of church members who’ve been ghosted, canceled, met with hostility by other “believing” family members and church friends these past two years over politics, pandemic protocols, and cultural concerns. And all of them, like me, have personally experienced the same.

What of Christ is there in that?

Friends, there’s no place for this in the Body of Christ. Love—agape love—doesn’t ghost a friend or cancel a family member. It doesn’t demand that people believe like you, vote like you, or live their lives to please you. Love does not demand its own way.

But if you have, I admonish you to repent before God and go to that person you’ve treated unlovingly and ask for their forgiveness. Listen: a friend is born for adversity (even adversity in the relationship), family loves at all times (even when you disagree over mandates or candidates), and unity in Christ is far more important than any temporal earthly concern (including current political beliefs).

Love never, ever demands its own way!

Love—agape love—doesn’t ghost a friend or cancel a family member or express outrage when people don’t believe like you, vote like you, or please you. Love does not demand its own way.

#afriendisbornforadversity

Take A Moment: Have you dismissed a friend recently? If you have, today would be a good day to say you are sorry, to God, and to that friend!

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Love Is Not Rude

Rudeness: The Gateway Drug

SYNOPSIS: What explains the nasty, age of outrage, knee-jerk cancel culture that America now is? How about a growing culture of contempt. And while it’s easy to fall into that cultural pattern, as Christ-followers, we’re called to banish contempt, which reveals itself in the form of rudeness, which in turn expresses its ugly self in the form of putdowns, sarcasm, and angry outbursts. Rudeness, along with its foot soldiers, must be ruthlessly removed from our bag of responses, whether nursed in our minds, spoken through our words, or delivered by our actions. It matters not if our rudeness is directed at a spouse, a sibling, a coworker, a friend, the President, or to no one in particular on a social media post, love is NEVER rude; rather it is ALWAYS kind and patient and gentle and good and uplifting. If you will choose to be a person who always builds up and never puts down, you will be a conduit of agape love! (I Cor 8:1; 13:4)

Make Love Work // 1 Corinthians 13:4 (NLT)

Love is … not rude.

Rudeness is the weak person’s imitation of strength, as Eric Hoffer noted. Just remember that when you have been treated rudely, or when you are tempted to treat someone rudely.

In reality, rudeness is nothing more than a thinly veiled and poorly disguised form of anger. And, unfortunately, it seems to be the gateway drug to other, worse ways that we treat people. Rudeness can turn to anger, spite, derision, contempt, and eventually to “canceling” (currently, the cultural response du jour), another person from our lives. All of the above, I believe, fit into what Jesus warned against in Matthew 5:22,

But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.

Often our rudeness is the gateway drug for other nastiness. It morphs into disdain for others, which then becomes derision, and in turn the conduit of words flung at or about another usually through name-calling and put-downs. In the Greek text of Matthew, Jesus used the word “Raca,” which literally meant, “you nobody…you empty head.” It’s like the oft-used put-downs, “he’s an airhead,” or “she a dumb blond.”

Those kinds of put-downs aren’t so much about the lack of intelligence of the person to whom they’re directed, but the rudeness of the person from which they came. It’s a particularly nasty form of contempt for another human being that has no place among God’s people.

But even worse, Jesus says, is when we express our disdain for someone, whether it comes in the form of rudeness or out-and-out rage, in a way that poisons their reputation in the eyes of others. Jesus says we do that when we call someone a “fool”. The Greek word is moros; the word moron comes from it. Moros refers not so much to the content in a person’s head—or lack thereof—but the content of their character—what makes them who they are! It’s the worst kind of murder of all: to assassinate another’s character; to murder their reputation; to kill their standing in the eyes of others.

Have you ever become so disgusted with someone that you can’t stand the sight of them—or disliked their personality so much that you snarl when you use their name? Have you expressed derision for the president lately or some other political leader who turns your stomach? When you think of others with whom you completely disagree, are your thoughts about them full of disgust and contempt? Jesus says that kind of rudeness on steroids is a killer of relationships.

Back in 1994, U. S. News and World Report presented some research about married couples who either stayed together or split up during their first decade of marriage. Interestingly, those who endured and those who didn’t looked remarkably similar in the early days. But they found a very subtle difference: Among couples who ultimately stayed together, 5 out of every 100 comments made about each other were put-downs. Among couples who split up, 10 of every 100 comments were insults. But that gap grew wider over the following decade, until unhealthy couples were flinging five times the put-downs as healthy couples. The researchers concluded: “Hostile putdowns act as cancerous cells that, if unchecked, erode the relationship over time.”

Rudeness, in whatever form, acts as cancerous cells that erode any relationship over time. It will erode the love to which we are called as Christ-followers to demonstrate toward all people. And in the end, it will erode the heart of the one who is rude.

We live in a culture of contempt—and it’s easy to fall in line with that pattern—but we’re called to banish rudeness, putdowns, sarcasm, anger, and contempt from our response to others, whether it is just in our thoughts or it comes through our words or it is delivered through our actions. Whether toward a spouse or a sibling or a coworker or the president or any other person, love is never rude but it is always kind and patient and gentle and good and uplifting.

As Ephesians 4:32 reminds us, let’s “be kind and compassionate to one another.”

If rudeness is the weak person’s imitation of strength, choose today to show how truly strong you are by choosing kindness, patience, gentleness, goodness, and encouragement in your actions and reactions. That is love!

Take A Moment: Have you been rude, angry, spiteful, derisive, contemptuous toward someone recently? If you have, today would be a good day to say you are sorry!